A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I started seeing this girl who I have known since high school but we have been out of touch for about 12 years. She is a single mother and from the beginning I didn’t feel ready for a committed relationship. But I always liked her and still decided to go out with her. I found that in a couple of weeks I started thinking about her all the time, started thinking about helping her and meeting her kids and her parents and tried visualizing a future. But the future I couldn’t see because of the kids. I had a past relationship with a single mother and when that didn’t work, well it created problems for myself and the child. At nights it keeps me up thinking that this will never work yet I still wonder how her kids will react to me. I sometimes feel like I’m leading her on because I don’t know and am so confused as to where this is going. To the point that we can’t have sex. We never have, we’ve been intimate but I always keep thinking of where the future is headed and cannot go through with it. Everytime I feel us getting close, I pull away and I feel like I concentrate more on all the obstacles to our relationship and not on the good. But then why am I confused? I tried telling her we should probably just be friends but as soon as she smiles at me, all those thoughts go out my head. But when I go home, I worry again. Please help. I don’t know why I am so confused. How do I let my guard down and let her in? Or maybe this is wrong and if I haven’t felt an instant connection despite all the complications of this, then it wont work. She is a really pretty, smart girl, everything I could want but how do I get us out of this rut. I think maybe if I end it then that be best for both of us but I have a feeling I will have regrets. Help Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (23 November 2009):
Single mums always make for very complicated girlfriends.
I think you are VERY right in keeping your distance from the kids. I also have a male friend who had to tell a 4 year old who adored him that he was never going to see him again. I don't think he's ever got over the guilt of causing that pain to the poor child.
The only thing I can advise is that you stop thinking about marriage and long term and tell your stupid brain to get back into the present.
See this girl because you like her. Treat it like any other relationship. Tell her you want to take it slow and see what happens.
Then just date her! Stop treating her like a delicate bit of fine china, she's a woman.
See how it goes, enjoy her company, if it goes well then meet her parents, if that goes well and you DO decide in several months time that you're over your fears and you could see yourself staying around then perhaps take the whole family out for dinner.
Good Luck!! xx
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