A
male
age
41-50,
*roken inside
writes:In the past ten years I can only think of only two time that I have been happy. The first time was when I enlisted in the Marine Corps. I served in Iraq from the start until June 2003(being a senior unit and having been stateside for one month out of 13 we were one of the first to go home). The second was when I found a love that I was not looking for. Our relationship was great until my family got involved. Bad things happened between my girlfriend and my brother. I was expeced to choose sides but could not. My parent voiced there concerns and I ignored them. This is my life, let me live it that way I want to. I asked my girlfriend to merry me after a year and 9 months. I was happy and so was she. My family on the other had were not. The said I deserved better than her. Things went down hill in August of 2007. She did not want my brother or sister-in-law at the wedding. I voiced my concern and she would not hear of it. We talked this out and came to an agreement, that they could come IF they fallowed the guidelines she and I agreed upon. We explained this to my parents why flew off the handle and belittled both her and me about the type of wedding we wanted. I was pissed and for the first time in my life told my parents off and left without finishing the conversation. We did not go home and stayed at her parents house instead (we were renting my dad house at the time). My parents tried calling me two days later but I was still hot and did not want to talk. Two days later they called and I told them that I was driving and would talk to them later. That did not sit well and the showed up at my girlfriends parents house unanounced and but the looks on their faces none too happy. My stepmother, My girlfriend and my girlfriends mother got into a huge arguement, and unkind words were said by all. I called off the wedding so that we could try to fix the mess that was just made. My fiancee would not have it and we lived apart for a few weeks. she called and asked me to dinner. She was all dressed up and looking great. After dinner she said the reason she wanted to have dinner was to break up with me. But she said that she couldn't because she loved me. She was going to walk to her new apartment but not knowing the neighborhood or how far I would not let her walk home. I cared for her too much and would never forgive myself if she had walked home and something happened to her. We rekindled or relationship and we decided to get an apartment together. My parents didnt know we were seeing eachother again until we got the apartment. I moved out of my dads rental and in with her without telling my dad. However, he happened to drive by on the way to the store and called to ask who was moving in. I told him I was moving out and that I would pay the next months rent. He was none to happy. Things were going well for me and my girlfriend in our new apartment, until she started talking about getting married again. I wanted to and we were getting things ready again, until she told me that my parents, my brother and his wife could not come at all. I tried to come up with a compromise but none would do for her. Her only compromise was to have my parents come but chaperoned and the they not drink ant all. She wanted this in written contract. I could not do this but asked if we could talk to my parents and tell them what we wanted that we had finally agreed upon. we talked to my parents about the whole situtation and how important it was for us and how much it ment to me for them to be there. My fiancee voiced that she was upset because her grandfather had passed away. My parents took that the wrong way and said that they would not be blamed for her grandfathers death. Both my girlfriend and I were Dumbfounded that they took it that way. Things for us started going south rather quickly after that and we went our seporate ways. Everyone tells me its for the best and that I would have been miserable being married to her. All I know is that I was happier with her in my life than I am now. We have been broken up for about 15 weeks now. I am told to keep busy and do things I want to do and get on with my life. The bad thing is that no matter what I do I am thinking of her and anyway I can tell her how much I miss her and still love her. I am told to think of all the bad things she has done over our relationship, but I cant. She'll call from time to time and ask if I will be a personal referance for job interviews she has. I can't say NO to her. I want to make her happy even if I am not. I miss her so. Anyway that is all and I will leave with a quote by ABRAHAM LINCOLN. "You can please some of the people some of the time and all the people some of the time, but you can never please all of the people all of the time."
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female
reader, Chippy2 +, writes (28 April 2008):
I am sad to hear of all your unhappiness - You say you have been much happier with her but I dont read it that way - Sometimes you can love someone and they not be right for marriage with you - I agree that marriage is a family proposition - I dont think that EVER should include ultimatums from either side - that is a red flag for sure - You may think that all that matters is that you please her but in the end you will be destroying the family - Think this thru carefully - A friend once told me - Some are in your life for a reason, some a season, and some are there for you always. Maybe your girlfriend was there for a season or reason but dont torture yourself about her not being there now - Mend with the family is my advice they have always been there for you - Sometimes we meet people and are attracted because of the emotional state we are in - that doesnt always make it wonderful - You deserve a woman who wants to also make you happy - not give ultimatums and sneak behind your family with seeing each other - When you respect each other you will see that it all works quite well - Good Luck!
A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (27 April 2008):
 I can only say that marriage is a family proposition. You not only marry your girlfriend, you marry her family. It sounds like there was some bad blood from the start and things never got better. It's no use trying to blame anyone for it because it is a two way street. I think that yes, you were happier but I also think that you had some big problems and you were unable to resolve them. Continue on your path and see where it takes you. I think that the relationship was not as solid as it needed to be for the long haul.
Her asking that your family not be involved in the wedding is asking too much. The are and will continue to be a big part of your life.
Thank you for your service to our country and I hope all is well with you. I hope you fall in love again.
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