A
female
age
30-35,
*nonem
writes:Hello cupids, I have often read many columns here and advice of how loss is a part of life and I am well aware of that fact.When I graduated from university in 2013, I thought I had the plan of my life all set up. My parents are seperated(never married) lived with my dad. I knew my dad was a ticking time bomb so I had already planned to move out a year after my graduation. During this year after my graduation, I decided to spoil my self and get a fairly used car and I solicited the help of my brother who stays with my mum since I knew nothing about the buying and selling of cars. We both went to the car dealer, I had to travel for something important and then gave him the money for the car. When the car was brought to me, it wasn't the car we both checked, I was enraged. I couldn't return the car because he didn't buy it from the dealer we had earlier visited. I wanted to have him arrested but I was told blood is thicker than water, I shouldn't do something I would later regret. With anger I kept the car but I spent half of the money I used in the purchase of this car to repair it and this ate into my savings a lot. I stopped talking to my brother and I told him my mind. He even threatened to assault me. While I was in another state, my home was burglarized and my laptop which contained all my documents were stolen and also some money and other valuables. This made me spend more money trying to get people to track my laptop. I suffered so much financial loss for someone who planned to move out on my own.When I was 12, I was always in the habit of savings money, so one day my brother came to meet me and said he would open a bank account for me since I wasn't of the age. He collected all the money I had and deposited it in his account and spent my money. He also sold my other laptop(a macbook). I hate my brother so much that if he died, I wouldn't care. He is a deceitful and a self centred person. We've started talking of recent but I cannot get over the fact of how he ruined me financially. I have put all my plans on hold because of what he has done. Whenever I think of how broke I have become I keep on hating him more and wish him dead. How do I survive this loss. It's been over a year since I suffered this. I don't know why I have refused to move on. My mum also dosent move on from things, could it be genetic. Maybe because the money was so much that I have lost. I won't stop hating him and there is no amount of advice given here that would make me change that. That was the last straw he broke. I don't want to hold on to the past but move foward. Any advice on people who have lost everything that can help me move foward.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 January 2016):
 I think it would be healthy for you to accept that your brother can not ruin you financially. You gave him your money and you trusted him despite your better knowledge. You need to stop thinking you can give money to him and then be angry at him when he wastes it. You're essentially the one wasting your own money by letting your brother arrange your financial affairs. This was your choice and your decision.
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (6 January 2016):
I think it would be healthy for you to accept that your brother can not ruin you financially. You gave him your money and you trusted him despite your better knowledge. You need to stop thinking you can give money to him and then be angry at him when he wastes it. You're essentially the one wasting your own money by letting your brother arrange your financial affairs. This was your choice and your decision.
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A
female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (6 January 2016):
breaking family ties is something i wont suggest... but i do just being more careful around your brother especially with your stuff.. i also just caution in the future, in case he tries to rip you off again... he might be d one needing help...
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 January 2016):
 Remember that you have not lost everything, you have your health, food in your stomach and also a roof over your head. They are the main things you need to remember.
Off course you are going to be angry, you trusted him and he broke that trust time and time again. You have decided you are not going to forgive him, so then why start talking to him again? You need to cut him off if that is what you want to do.
You need to learn from these mistakes and move on. If you are finding it difficult talk to a therapist about methods that will work for you to deal with this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2016): What you have lost is your love,(your fault not his).You have grown your own hatred and have the power not to hate. we can switch off emotionally and disconnect from situations that cause us anger and hurt, you are fueling your hatred with past issues and imaginary ones. You got burgled, this is not his fault,nor is it his fault you had to spend more money getting people to find your laptop. Did he do your security locks? did he burgle you? did he force you to pay money to get it back? Accept he screwed up (which he did, but so did you) why did you not go to a car dealer on a different day, when you could be free to be with him and make sure all was well?. You can not blame him for 'everything' like you spending money...did he have a gun at your head? No! you obviously have passed issues regarding your brother not even linked to this. To wish him dead is a different level of hatred (you say this a number of times, not just once) Yes he has flaws in his character (according to you)but you have a bigger flaw 'HATRED' far uglier and damaging than the financial issues you describe.You graduated, left home, got a bum deal on a car, spent extra unforeseen money, got burgled, that's called life and you need to get a grip. Life does not always go as planned, people can not always be trusted,we don't always get fair deals,we do get ripped off(and yes by family and friends).If you don't like your brother, then simply have nothing more to do with him, don't even give him room in your head, and move out the 12 year old garbage that you keep regurgitating and using for fueling your hatred. Cut all ties to him and certainly don't ever trust him again.All this aside, you need to grow up and move on in your new found independence. Congratulations for getting your degree as well. Now study the university of life, it's tough and we all have the danger of getting blown away by our own hatred sometimes,don't let it spoil you( because it will)if you let it.Hatred is not genetic,it belongs to you! it is entirely your minds choice to hate...it will effect you and your future if you grow into a bitter spiteful character that loathes others and blames others when their lives go wrong.I think your brother has done you wrong, don't misunderstand me, but your level of hatred is a wrong (for you)and will harm you. Bad INNER energy grows into destruction of self and other's and changes future happiness. There is too much hatred in this world already, without individuals wishing their family dead.You are right, no amount of advice on here will change your hatred for your brother, it's only you who can change that. World Peace start's with individuals!
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