A
female
age
30-35,
*iamondshards
writes:I feel mildly shallow about feeling this way, but regardless, here it is. I'm young, healthy, middle class, smart with perfect academic achievements, pretty enough. I should be reasonably content with all of this, but instead I consistently feel as though something's lacking. Several things, actually. I have friends, but I don't let them see beyond the surface of the witty, ironic me I put on all the time, so I end up, sure, having fun with them, but having no one to turn to when I really need it. I do not, on the other hand, have a boyfriend. Now, I am really not one of those girls who just HAS to have a man by her side to feel as though she's worth something, really, but I've been alone for so long that it's starting to really become unpleasant. I've had mainly two unfortunate and long lasting crushes, a relationship I wasn't too emotionally involved in and casual dates so far; for how stupid it sounds, I would like to find someone who'd love me for who I am and accept me and that I could love in return, that I could trust and open up with and I don't see that happening...ever. The irony in all of this is that I dislike feeling as though I want people in my life because, I know I'd be much better off not needing anyone but me. Consistently all the ones I really care about -both friendship wise and romantically- ended up hurting me in one way or another, so shouldn't I know better at this point? Icing on the cake, I've been semi forced to delay my enrolling in...master's degree or however you call it (sorry, I don't know the American college system well) because of how demanding my last two exams are, in order not to lower my grades. I suppose my question is: has anyone out there felt something similar to this, and if so, how did you handle this? I'm so unsatisfied all the time, even if I'm well aware there are lots of people who have it really much worse than me (hence why I feel shallow saying this), but I can't just lie to myself and tell myself I'm happy when I'm anything but either.
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female
reader, diamondshards +, writes (7 January 2012):
diamondshards is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your time and answers. =]@princess13 That's a good question and of course I don't mind you asking. I guess if I thought that I was lovable, I wouldn't feel the need to put up a mask. It really is more complicated than this though, because a) I'm actually a fairly conceited person and I do value myself a lot, but at the same time I don't- it's like I have a deep love/hate relationship with myself, in a way, which fits my having narcissistic tendencies. b) the 'mask' of wit and irony is actually part of me, I am witty and ironic, but I'm not JUST that, you know? I emphasize that side of me rather than the others. @ Edgardo I'm sorry about your relative, first things first. Hopefully that situation got better in time.1) It's relieving to hear from someone who has felt the same way. Rationally you do know there must be other people who went through this, but seeing it for yourself is different.2) I may be lacking spirituality, as you call it, too- I'm a very pragmatic person who doesn't believe in anything beyond what can be seen. I'm not entirely sure what you mean by it- if it's a religious belief I don't think it would be helpful for me (though I'm glad it's working for you, of course), if it's more of a...psychological 'pay attention to your inner feelings' thing, then it could be. 3) And it's true, but it seems like a small issue compared to what others go through. I just don't want to feel/appear as a self centered crybaby.Thank you again!
A
female
reader, princess13  +, writes (5 January 2012):
I have felt this and I have a question if u don't mind me asking its the same one my father asked me how do u expect someone to love u if you arnt showing who u really are don't be a copy be original u are u for reasons unknown there is a quote which I love its says this when I was rich people critizizes me for being to rich when I was poor people turned the eyes and did not see how poor I was in which both ends they did not help me at all then why should I care what anybody's has to say good or bad they will not be there but u will be proud of always being urself
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