A
female
age
41-50,
*tarrrrr
writes:Please can anyone help save my marraige?I've been married for seven years and am on the verge of ruining my marraige.I have caught my husband telling lies in the past and have checked his phone (stupidly) and seen messages I wish I hadn't.My problem is, I can't let go of the lies and previous things that have happend in our r'ship and make digs at him most weeks which of course, makes him angry. He feel's he can't have female friends when I have male friends (which he is also friends with). I am pushing him away, but I'm so scared of getting hurt and being lied to. I am making our marraige a misery and desperately need help to stop my way of thinking. He says I need to stop living in the past or F off. I do love him as I'm sure he loves me too, but has anyone else had to put the past behind them and just trust? I haven't actually ever caught him cheating on me so I guess I don't have any real grounds for being the way I am. It's just I know he can be very sly and I can't forget the things he has done and contantly worry he will lie or cheat on me. The usual applies to me, hurt previously by an ex and mum walked out on us as kids, but I had councling for this so don't think that has anything to do with it? If anyone can offer any help, I would be very grateful. I know I need to stop my way of thinking and let him live his life without the constant digs from me and the checking of his phone!THANK YOU! * Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2008): "Spirit of Iona" gave you the perfect answer and explanation;
I just want to add; should you have difficulty dealing with this; maybe consider some counseling; get a professional person to help you to work through this and to teach you how to deal with these insecurities, creating all the unhappiness in your life.
Wishing you lots of happiness and SMILES
A
male
reader, thelaw +, writes (17 July 2008):
Firstly, the man below me is completely right, very moving and deep post. I can relate alot of your experience to my own relationship. My wife used to be a pathological liar, and I hate lying. For years in every dispute with her I'd bring up the old lies she had told, all it did was make me more bitter. I know its hard to forgive, I bear grudges horribly, but all it does is make your life so much more difficult. Now obviously you feel insecure about yourself, my first suggestion would be to become happy with yourself, do soemthing or learn how to do something that not only distracts you, but makes you feel good and proud about yourself. You will never be happy in any relationship unless you are happy with, and respect youself. I wish you all the best, goodluck.
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