A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is very hard for me , but i need someone else opinion. I have been separated for about fourteen months. During this time, I met a guy who seem to be real nice and treats me real well ( may i add we work together. Anyway, My husband swear he has changed and never wanted to leave me and our daughter. That he was a fool and says he deserve a second chance. I love the guy Im with but technically i'm still married. I can't keep living this double life. It makes me sick. I don't want to hurt anyone feelings but I cant go on like this. Its hard to choose cause the husband and i been through eight years of everything. The new guy and I have been dating for almost a year. please give me some insight. Also if anyone has a similar story and have made a decision that would be helpful too. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (2 September 2010):
 You have a child. Whatever you do, make sure it hurts your daughter the least.
Get it out of your head that you haven't hurt anyone to this point - the damage is all around you and the longer you live in your little "I don't want to hurt anyone" bubble the more hurt you cause. Especially to your daughter.
What example do you want to set for your daughter? She's watching your every move whether or not you acknowledge it and your actions will define her life as an adult, so be mindful of that.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): I like to thank everyone who has made a statement. But to the last comment. I think you are being a little judgemental. How can you say he deserves a better wife. I didnt want to bore everyone with all details. But please believe i was loyal and took care of the family the whole time he was not working even his other child he had custody of. I remain loyal until he left me. Also people ask for help because the want insight not to be insulted. And to the med student thank you so much for referring me to a scripture. I really appreciate that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): I do not know how some one can compare the fling / affair w/o responsibility and commitments to marriage. Obviously affair will always be better because, right now you are not planning the life together, have'nt faced any hardship together, haven't raised any kid together and all that.
So in my view "he treat me good and all that does not carry much wight". If you are married and have affair with me, or any one else, 99 % of the time it will be the same dreams, fantasies and romantic life and best treatment. How i or any one will be when we both have to have kids, responsibility of family, future and finances and handling all relatives and all that is not predictable.
so in my view, you do not need to give your hubby more chance, not because of him but because of you. I think he needs a better wife.
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A
male
reader, medstud1 +, writes (1 September 2010):
You should work things out with your marriage. However, this may be difficult if you or he have progressed to sexual relations with another; and it will be absolutely necessary to disclose this. If there is complete honesty and two willing hearts, this is not only the right thing to do but the best in the long term.
Regardless, your relationship with the man you work with should end as it is built on the wrong foundation. If you do not resolve things with your husband then take the time to figure some things out for your own life first. Get your life in order first.
I wish you the best,
med student and one with a little insight in life.
(Side note: Read Matthew chapt. 5-7, Bible. It is both encouraging, addresses these and many other issues, and is not sugar coated. I think you will find a lot of hope in it.)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): Go with you heart. Who do you truly love. Doesn't matter how long you've been with someone or the mistakes they made - who do you truly love and want to make it work with. Simple. The answer is right there.
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