A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So ive been with my boyfriend for 6 almost 7 months total, and he couldnt be more amazing. But there is a problem, and its me. I love him more than anything in the world but Im afraid because of my actions I will push him away. We argue a lot over things that most couples wouldnt give a second thought to...And although hes perfect now, He has done some dirt .We broke up for a long time and it was because he had contact with his ex girlfriend.. He cheated on her with me wihout me knowing (we didn have sex but he made it known he wanted a relationship with me and we kissed) and then he broke up with her and we started dating and she showed up at his house and he ended up cheating on me with her because she lied and said she was pregnant with his baby so he was going to "be with her" " to keep the family together". .. But since she lied he cheated on me for nothing.. We got back together but while we were broke up for as long as we were he slept with my cousin. He didnt know she was my cousin because she hid it from him but i still hurts.. We go back together and since then everything has been better hes been faithful i know for a fact and Our relationship is perfect and stable. We even decided to go to college and move out of town together... Anyway the problem like i said is me.. I bring up exes from his relationship like my cousin and the one he cheated on me with and he hates it which results in an arguement, and I get paranoid that he is looking at oher women.. I trust him I do, but I just dont want to be with him for years at a time and everything fall apart... we are suppose to be getting married in 2 years and Im afraid of losing him within that time.. I havent told him that but i jus dont know how to put my mind at ease? How do I know this relationship will last that long and that he wont do anything stupid? Help me please, what do i do
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2014): "But since she lied he cheated on me for nothing.."
That is complete and utter bullshit, OP. That whole story and excuse he made up is possibly the most stupid explanation I've ever heard and I honestly can't believe you fell for that.
He cheated on you and he cheated on her with you. The guy is a liar and a cheat, and he decided to go fuck your cousin too. I mean shit OP, what is it about this guy you really just don't get. He's an out and out player.
You're right, OP, you are the problem here and your problem is that you're letting him take you for a fool.
"Our relationship is perfect and stable"
Why are you here then? Oh that's right it's not, and no matter how many times you tell yourself it is, that's not going to make it so.
"I trust him I do"
No you don't, and again you really are just telling yourself that in the hope that will make it true. But you don't trust him with good reason, OP because you can't trust him.
"we are suppose to be getting married in 2 years"
Really, OP? After 6 months with a lying cheat you've already made plans to marry him? A guy you can't trust, a guy who has constantly lied to you, especially that bullshit excuse he used to cheat on you. How is her being a pregnant an excuse to sleep with her? I'm still in shock you fell for that. "hey listen, I wanted to be a family with her so I just had to stick my penis into her, you know how it is baby, yolo!"
"he couldnt be more amazing"
Actually yes he could. He could not be a lying cheating scum bag. That would make him more amazing don't you think?
"But there is a problem, and its me"
Something tells me he has you convinced of that or, and with all due respect, you're just total idiot for this guy.
I mean come on, you somehow think it's okay for him to cheat on you because she lied to him? You actually bought that bullshit? You're screwed then, OP and you know it.
Want to know why you're paranoid, why you just can't get rid of the idea of this going wrong again? Because it will, and no matter how hard you to try to ignore that your gut, intuition, just will not let you relax. You may want to be a fool but your gut will not let you get caught up in this idiotic fantasy and it will not stop either, OP.
He will fuck you over again because he can. He has a woman not only willing to cheat with him on his girlfriend, but thinks his reasons for him cheating on her too are perfectly fine. He has a woman so lost in her love for him she's already planning on the spending the rest of her life with him after only a few months.
There's nothing I can say to you to break that train of though, you live in a dream world and the only reason you're here is because no matter how hard you try deep down inside your gut will not stop warning you of what is most certainly going to happen again.
You won't do what you have to to protect yourself here, you've already accepted behaviour from him that is 100% unacceptable and he owns you. The best you can hope for is that you don't fin out about him cheating again, which he definitely will, so you can remain in this lovely fantasy world you've created, where you truly believe it's all your fault and if only you can become great, he'll never want to cheat.
Best of luck, you're in for a really tough time here. The best advice I can give you, OP, is birth control and protect yourself against STI's. If you're going to keep being his fool, then at least don't force a child into this non-relationship just because you couldn't be careful.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2014): "i jus dont know how to put my mind at ease?"You can't. You're in a short-term off-and-on relationship with a guy whom you know cheated on his previous girlfriend, has slept with another woman when you were off, and has slept with another woman when you were on. "How do I know this relationship will last that long and that he wont do anything stupid?"You don't and you don't.You've only been together a few months and you've already broken up at least once and he's already done something stupid at least once. No reason not to expect either will happen again given your unrealistic expectations and his recent history. "what do i do"Grow up.
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