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male
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anonymous
writes: Me and my amazing girlfriend are are 19 and 18. We've been together for 2 years 4 months and 7 days now... we are both at uni and I am very very much in love with her. I have basically totally screwed things up. It started with a little lie. I never told her that I met up with one of my exes for a couple hours when visiting one of my old friends. She found out on one of my txts but forgave me... I did the same again just a few weeks later... I know, what is my problem!? I would never dream of cheating on her yet I lie to her. I also went to visit a family in America last summer and one of the girls there was really nice. We got on well and my girlfriend feels that I talk to her too friendly and have kept that part of my life quiet. She tells me EVERYTHING and yet I have managed to not tell her these things and I hate myself for it. She feels like she can't trust me any more. She doesn't know what I can do to make it better and she doesn't even know if she wants to be with me anymore. I'm actually in agony here and I KNOW I wouldn't do this again but she won't believe me... Someone help. I love her so much.
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female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (26 May 2006):
 You played a game and you got caught, she forgave you the first time and yet you did not learn and continued to push your luck.
This tells me that whilst you love your girlfriend you do not want commitment that is heavy, you want to play the field a little, there is nothing wrong in that as long as you are being honest with yourself and with your girlfriend.
Oftern in long term relationships we get a little stale and this can lead to one of the couple feeling a little dissatisfied and that can lead to flirting with ex partners etc.
You know what you did wrong so no point in labouring this point, what you have to do now is give your girlfriend some space to decide if she can get over this and you need to decide if she really is all you want her to be, or is this a good opportunity for a break and a fresh look at everything.
Soul search and think honestly about why you did what you did and what was wrong in the relationship to make you do it and if you stayed together what would stop you doing it again. be honest!!
A
female
reader, hannieseds  +, writes (26 May 2006):
 Hey there,
I can tell in your words that you are very much in love with this girl and you are just very confused as to why you are keeping things from her.
Very bad judgement on your part in visiting one of your exes a few times, have you not completely moved on from this other girl?
There probably aren't any words that will help get you out of this because you have lied to her a few times, and woman do not take kindly to that at all. All you can do is help her trust you again through your actions, or non-actions as is the case here, and hope that you stick by your words not to do this again. Hopefully she sees how much you love her and can forgive you over time, because I can really feel how much you do love her and want to stop doing this.
Give it time and if you find yourself about to lie to her, think about how lonely you would be without her love in your life. xxx
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