A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've never had a relationship nor never been in love but god blessed me with the exact type of guy I wonted and saved myself for. We been together for 4 months. We both fell in love with each other. But things started to change with. He started a more stressful job and he decided to go to school. We barely can talk now with our schedule. We also live like a hour apart He decided that we should be just friends because it's better and less stressful. He said he also found a lump on him so he decide friends is best for. This all broke my heart so bad. I been outta my mind for two weeks now. I cant concentrate or anything. He is all I think about. We were the best together. He is the first guy I ever talked to and ever fell in love with. He is 7 years older so he can handle all this better but can't. I wanna be with him so bad. I can't imagine dating someone else when I had all I wonted the first time around. He say he still loves me and misses me. He say he hasnt moved on either. He doesnt text or talk to me as much because he say he just needs time to hiself When he said he wonted to be friends it made me so sad and mad that I found another guy. Even though I kinda like the new guy. All I do is think of him because I wanna be with him bad. Idk what I should this all so new to me because I haven't never had relationships until now. Some tells me to wait on him and some saying to like the new guy. If I choose the new guy who's to say it won't happen again because he treats me like how the guy I had before did. Who's to say he won't change. Some telling me to wait on him instead of moving on because he is all I think about. I have dreams aibour me and him He is perfect for me but I like the attention the new guy gives me but the one I had before use to be this way. Idk what I should do. It's all confusing and difficult to me. What should I do?
View related questions:
fell in love, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Reggie2  +, writes (26 October 2012):
Calm down you are not being fair to the second guy anyway.you had better work things out with with number one before you start getting involved with number two.No guy, even that much older than you is more mature than you are.If he was he would tell you up front that he doesn't want you and doesn't need you otherwise he would not be doing what he is doing.Get some backbone for yourselfthen maybe a guy will respect you and want to be with you and treat you right.I will bet you cling too much.No guy wants a weight around his neck.
A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (24 October 2012):
 It's your first relationship and first love is the hardest to get over. You dont have any past experience to compare it to so it feels like you won't ever find love again. It doesn't feel like it now but only 4 months together will end up being in your favor. Its a small blip in your life, 4 months is nothing in the grand scheme of your entire life.
Dealing with any break up is hard, one problem is that you are already talking to another guy. He is a rebound and dating someone too soon when you aren't over your ex is a bad idea. You compare them to your ex and want the same feelings immediately with another person, you are trying to have him fill your ex's place. The key to moving on is to be alone after a break up to grieve. You need time to heal to move on.
So best advice is to stop talking with the new guy for now, let him know you are getting over a break up and you aren't ready for a relationship at this time. It isn't fair for him to be there while you are secretly pining for someone else. After you get past your break up in a month or so maybe you could call him back and try to properly form a relationship but for now you just aren't ready and it won't last.
Also break all contact with your ex. Talking to him gives you false hope, you keep thinking he will change his mind and come back then get let down every time it doesn't happen. You need to move on from him and continuing contact is delaying your progress. It isn't your job to sit around and wait for someone, if he wanted to be with you then he would be, it's that simple. You could waste valuable time sitting and hoping he comes back when neither of you know if it would ever happen. Going through a rough patch in life does not mean you break up with the one you love. A strong relationship endures the rough times, a guy who loves you wouldn't want to lose you in addition to going through the rough patch. So stop feeling so sorry for him and yourself, if you were a strong couple and a guy who was worth it to him then he wouldn't have let you go.
To get over the break up stop all contact with your ex. Keep yourself busy with anything you can, your hobbies, work... When you are sad talk to your friends or family. Write down all of your thoughts. Just remember you will be okay, you will get through this. We all go through break ups and make it out okay. Remember the cliched quotes that are so very true- time heals all wounds. In a couple of years time you will barely even remember this pain. And also remember that everything happens for a reason. If you and your ex are meant to be then it would happen regardless of you waiting around or not. Chin up, all will be okay : )
...............................
|
