A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for a year now. He's 22 and i'm 18.He's got a full time job, which means he has to be up for work at 6 every morning until 4 in the afternoon. Whereas i am at uni. Hes my first proper relationship. He tells me he loves me and has really fallen for me and i love him too, i think.... The thing is, i've started to get bored of the same routine. Mondays he finishes work and plays football most of the evening, then when he goes home he goes to bed with him having to be up early. Thursday he plays rugby then bed when he's finished. So i usually see him tuesday, wednesday and sunday. Some fridays and saturdays when he or myself aren't out with friends. I mean i know its not his fault having a job with these hours but i'm just bored, its the same routine all the time. Theres times in the week where id like us to go out and stop with each other the night, but because of work he doesn't. Only weekends.We dont go out and do things together or go for weekends away as often as i would like. We're either just at my house or his. Sex is good, hes a great lover, i dont get bored of that.I also doubt my love for him. Because i have never been 'in love' before, i always imagined that being in love would feel more than this. Like i'd want to see him every day, id be head over heels and that id get butterflies when i see him; and truthfully i don't, but i think i love him. Because i cant imagine not hearing from him everyday and not seeing him.He is really attractive, and i am definitely attracted to him and we have a lot of things in common, and i really enjoy being with him even if we are just stuck in the house all night but i just feel like im not 100% happy.Ive talked to all my friends about it and they were horrified, they are telling me to stay with him because he is gorgeous looking, a really nice person and thinks the world of me. Everything a girl would want but it doesnt feel enough! i really dont want to feel this way... because i wouldn't want to imagine him with someone else or imagine myself with out him, so why am i having these doubts? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, salvadda  +, writes (7 July 2009):
 Dear Friend, With all due respect to you and your problem your letter seemed very confused to me...as I feel you are. I would like to say also that you are a very lucky woman to have such a man. With so many men who don't work or take woman for granted it sounds like he does his best with the busy schedule he *must* keep. When you have a man as you do who for him it's a matter of allotted for each item or operation necessary to its completion. Your b/f can be a systematic person. I will add there is nothing wrong this. He does show a very high sense of responsibility. In long term relationship this is very normal. Many couples who have been together for a very *long* time do lead lifes which have a systematic course. I being one of them. Don't for one min. think he doesn't love you or want to be with you. Your b/f does what he feels is necessary to achieve what he feels is the best for a style of living. Call it what you will but it is a systematic course, other's may call it a work-a-holic, or a sense of addiction. What ever one wants to word it can be a very hard thing for woman to cope and in some cases men because there r woman also such as ur b/f also.They feel they do this to move ahead get what they need to lead a good life style, and in some cases *most* this is true. This is something that I feel by what you have describe he can not help and is compelled to do so. He sounds like he is strongly motive and is powerful and irresistible, at the same time. Do not let his personality get in your way of seeing who he really is.Now if I may with respect comment on how you feel about him. The boredom you say you feel may be cause by what I wrote in above paragraph. Honestly say to yourself and I'm sure you have how you how you would feel if you were not with him. Think of being with this man in the future. As time goes on when we are together with our mate for *many* years we begin to feel or should feel comfortable with them. You have been very honest your feelings in your letter and I admire this. There is a reason you are feeling doubtful, but no one can answer this for you. One could guess but it wouldn't fair to take such a risk. I will say with great respect that maybe his life style overwhems you. I could say that maybe you need more excitement for him to be a bit more spontaneous. I could say that you feel as if you are second to his life style, but I am only guessing and that is all it is. Only by what you wrote he doesn't sound like a man that would act upon sudden impulses. But plz know that this is not a bad thing. It can mean he is very loyal to himself and you also. The only thing I will give you is my opinion with great respect you, is to go and talk with someone about it. I know you have talked with your friends, and I have read the response they have given. But those in my opinion are not the answers you need to hear. You need to go and talk with a professional. A counsellor who is trained to listen, be honest and help you look into yourself for the answers you need to know. I suggest this only for the fact that a counsellor will be objective, honest, and non judgmental as I do pick up some sense of guilt in your letter for how you are feeling about yourself. In my opinion you do want to know why you feel this way, and only you can really answer this, but you need some help to help you find the answer..does that make sense? I do feel if you think/believe your b/f is worth it to you to plz give it a try. He can be the man of your dreams in every way. Give you all that you need/want. Treat you loving, and respectfuly.But if you deep down inside have such feelings without knowing why before you take any action try to sort them out.I do with the deepest hope that you will go and try to find the answers you need because they may always be there no matter who you find.I wish you nothing but the best, and also peace of mindTake care and good luck
A
male
reader, romance_boy18 +, writes (7 July 2009):
 i think your just bored, you want something different to happen so you doubt your love (at least thats my opinion). id say ask your hubby you want to do something like go out, have dinner, take a walk in the park, or something together. I hope this helps! :)
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A
female
reader, Jess1ca_1988  +, writes (7 July 2009):
there is a differnce in being in love and loving someome. u might love him but r u in love with him??? U need to ask yourself if u r ready to settle down for the rest of ur life bc u r young and there is alot u probably havent done. I got married at 17 n we r still very happy together, i still get butterflies when i see him or when he calls just to tell me he loves me. the point is u shouldnt settle if ur not 100% satisfied with him bc it will probably be the same forever
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