A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi aunts and uncles. This is going to be a long post so please bare with me. I split up with my ex boyfriend in May. We were together for almost five years. Our relationship ended mutually as we both agreed things weren't working. We argued a lot over silly things and I felt he was too overpowering....he was very affectionate towards me but he could also be mean on times during arguments. When I left our home and moved back to my parents I felt nothing but relief. I decided I would concentrate on my career and not get involved with anyone for some time....that however, went out of the window when I met someone a month later on a night out with friends. He lives 200 miles from me and he was only in my area as he was on a friends stag party. We swapped numbers and chatted constantly. I found we had lots in common and we decided to meet. That was in June and we've been an item ever since, meeting up on weekends.We always have an amazing time together and our sex life is out of this world! However, just recently I've been thinking about my ex and how our relationship was so different. My new guy isn't very good at showing his emotions and doesn't show me much affection unless I show him first. When we're not together during weekdays we hardly talk and he never tells me he misses me like I tell him. I've been back in contact with my ex to discuss living arrangements for our dog (at the moment she's staying with him until I find my own place) and he said that he'd like us to try again and try to make things work as five years is a lot to throw away. I felt guilty for meeting someone so soon and jumping head first into a relationship with them as my ex is still hung up on me. He wants to try again and in a way I do too as I agree that five years is a lot to throw away but during our relationship, we lost the spark and I no longer find him sexually attractive. The thought of having sex with him doesn't do a lot for me as it does with my new guy but I can't help feeling that I owe it to my ex to give us another try....After all I was with him for five years so something was holding us together but I have no idea what. I'm so confused as to how I feel about him. I miss our cosy nights in front of the TV and taking our dog for walks but I don't know if I want to go back to that or continue my relationship with my new guy. Please give me your views on my situation, they would be greatly appreciated. Thank you
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male
reader, devont +, writes (10 November 2014):
 You definitely don't owe it to your ex to give it another try. Yes, five years is a long time... But you spent at least five years at school, did you 'throw it all away' by leaving? No, school finished, the experience helped shape you and you moved on to something else. I see this relationship the same way. You spent five years together but now it's done and you're looking to move on. Whether there was another guy in the picture or not, personally, I wouldn't suggest getting back with your ex. If you're not sexually attracted to him and he doesn't sound like he had the best personality, then what does he have going on? You said yourself you don't know what kept you together. If you're enjoying yourself being single/with the other guy, then why change it? Why take a step back? It's a cliche but it's (mostly) true: he's an ex for a reason.
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