A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel really awful lately because... Well, I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. And life has been wonderful. But recently I keep having the feeling that I deserve more, that I could DO better. I dress really well and his boxers are always there for the world to see. I have really good grades and his aren't too great. I am going to a private four year college and he is going to community college. I have huge dreams for the future, and so does he, but being in politics and being a fighter are two completely different dreams. I have friends who lead girl scout troops and volunteer at hospitals, and he has recovering drug addict friends and friends who have sex outdoors in public on trampolines.On top of that, get this: Valentines day was also our technical one year anniversary. And he didnt do a single special thing for me. I watched girls get flowers from random boys while I didnt even get a phone call!Am I being a bad girlfriend for not accepting him for who he is? Am I being over demanding or dissatified?I am always trying to encourage him to dress better, meet new friends, raise his grades...Or should I really start looking for someone better?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2008): You deserve *much* better. And this is coming from a man, so no prejudice here...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): I think you should stop comparing him to you. You dont know if a much more better looking and smarter girl might be interested in him. Just because he attends a community college and you a private one doesnt make you any better then him. For all you know he could become a lot more successful than you. And another thing if you really were into him you wouldnt be concerned of what he wears but of what he's about. The next guy you meet might feel the same towards you as you feel towards him and lets see how much you like it.
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A
female
reader, Jendorset  +, writes (13 March 2007):
I think that was really mean of him not to do something for valentines day, and i also wouldnt want to be with someone who was involved wih drug addicts. BUT, you need to stop talking like your so bloody amazing, just because you dress well and youve got good grades doesnt make you better than ANYONE. You sound really up yourself, perhaps you should leave your boyfriend. Why dont you go with your lovely friends volunteering at the hospital, you never know you might meet a doctor. If thats good enough.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2007): like you, me an my boyfriend of two years are not too similar. i got good marks in school went to university have good friends, he didnt do well in school, is a builder,has druggie mates and never plans anything special for me! i like to talk and he likes peace and quiet! but, i love him to bits and he loves me, and iv realised i cant change him! we make each other laugh, we have common ideals etc , but u know opposites attract... i dont see it as a problem for the future tho, i mean if you come home at the end of the day to someone with such a similar life then - i personally think- that it would get boring after a while! but with two completely seperate lives you can learn much from each other and share stories that the other will never experiencE. take it as a positive thing good luck x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2007): It's just hard because I've loved him for so long! I've known him for maybe 6 years... And the reason why it's been working is because we have the same morals and values and agree on many important subjects.I feel like I've been nitpicking over little things like the way he dresses and the way he never plans anything which drives me NUTS.I guess my question is whether disagreeing over the little things means it would be better to break up? Yes, the future is a huge topic and it seems like we won't really have similar lives but who knows what will happen... I'd rather focus on the present, you know?And presently, he is driving me a little crazy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2007): If your relationship was meant to be then I don't think you would be having so many doubts about this person.
You describe yourselves as being completely the opposite, and whilst this isn't a reason to break up, it is if those differences are a problem for either of you.
In your case, it seems like you are vastly different people, who are going to live very different lives from one another. I don't think you are being a bad girlfriend for noticing all this - but you can't just go on trying to be content when you are obviously not, as eventually you will start to make him feel like he is the one with the problem when he's not - you're just different people.
I wouldn't say you should start looking for someone "better" but rather someone who has a more common past and similar goals and ambitions.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2007): Firstly you should speak to him about how you are feeling. Dont try to change him, as a person will only change when they are ready too but let him know that you are concerned about his life. However if you have to question your relationship and it gets you down thinking about it then it time to part. It's hard when you have deep feelings for a person and can see how they can better their life but they need to make that choice. You shouldnt beat yourself up for thinking that you deserve better because you probably do and their is no harm in being treated like you should be. If he is happy with his life and doesnt see a problem with it, then let him lead his own path and maybe you should follow yours.
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