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female
,
anonymous
writes: I can't help but feel bad that I broke up with my ex fiance. I don't ever want to be with him again because he was emotionally abusive, but the part I can't seem to forgive myself for is that I knew he wasn't a Christian from the beginning and that is something I want in a marriage partner. Yet, I decided to go out with him anyway and fell in love. But, I don't know if I would have stayed with him if he would have respected me even though he wasn't a Christian. I probably would have. So, I shouldn't feel bad that I broke up with an abuser, right? I just know that next time I'm sticking to someone with my same beliefs- and of course someone who respects me in all other areas!
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broke up, christian, emotionally abusive, fell in love, fiance, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): Why is it that everyone wants to call their ex "emotionally abusive"? How about "we fought a lot and I was part of the problem too"? People generally feel guilty when they have acted badly.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all. Yes, I think I have realized that I want a respectful Christian, not a disrespectful Christian or non-believer or even a respectful non-believer, my standards are going to be that he is a respectful Christian. All I was saying earlier was that my ex wasn't abusive at first, so I was willing to look past that he wasn't a non-believer because I loved him. And we might have made it if he hadn't been so disrespectful. And I do know that Christians can be abusive as well. I think sometimes I just blame myself for breaking up with him and hurting him, when in actuality he was the one who hurt me, which is why I ended up breaking up with him. Thank you for letting me vent and figure out what I needed to and reassure myself.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (11 March 2008):
 Hi,
sorry for the drama you have been through, but please make this distinction - abusers can be religious as well. The fact that he abused you has nothing to do with him not being Christian. So if you think dating a Christian will mean you will never be abused think again. Meet someone who respects you and treats you right, they may or may not be Christian.
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A
male
reader, Paladin  +, writes (11 March 2008):
 You seem to be a very confused person. Why you would feel bad about breaking up with someone who didn't repsect you and abused you is bizarre. Anyone, male or female who physically or mentally abuses their mate is an asshole and should be dumped immediately. Of course you should be picky regarding the next person and of course you should have reasonably similar beliefs. All that stuff about being a Christian makes no sense to me. You say you would have stayed with him if he respected you and yet you also say you truly want it in a marriage. You need to make up your mind. You should have your own mental list of what you expect in and from the person you intend to be with and if they do not match up keep looking.
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