A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I am 21 years old and my bf and I of 9 months have just started to have sex for the first time in our relationship. The problem is everytime we try I just clamp up and therefore when he tries to enter me, it hurts like hell! The pain is so bad.I am not a virgin, I had sex with my ex bf. However, I never said yes to having sex with my ex bf. He just went ahead anayway despite my yelling at him to stop and bawling my eyes out and vomiting during the time. He still did it. I guess I am still quite traumatised from this experience. But with my new bf, I really want to have sex with him. He has been so patient,and caring and understanding and if I tell him to stop because of the pain, he actually listens to me. He says the most sweet things to try and calm me down and tries to reassure me. Although this makes me feel better and a little more relaxed, I still clamp up and it still hurts soooo badly. What can I do about this?
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male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (1 January 2010):
 The probable solution is more foreplay. Consider reading this:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-get-my-guy-to-make.html
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (31 December 2009):
 Well there can be no doubt about it, you were raped your first time. It's pretty natural to still be extremely traumatized by this. I'd recommend talking to a counselor. Explain this to your boyfriend and take it really slowly. I had very bad experience too, but after a lot of work now how a fulfilling sex life. To this day though, whenever I feel a penis on my leg or below my stomach or just it touches me anywhere below the waist or above the knee I totally freeze up and feel panicky. In the beginning to make sure it wouldn't hurt I made him do a LOT of foreplay. Practically bringing me to orgasm before I'd have penetrative sex. That ensured it wouldn't hurt. Over time I was able to relax and just get into sex without a lot of nervousness or thought. Just be patient and take it slow. Don't jump right into sex, use lube, and it will happen.
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (31 December 2009):
 Oh! So sad.
You will enjoy sex if you follow, following advice.
1.Remember your first experience was so bad, I do not feel hesitate to termed it as 'rape' It is not easy for you to recover from your past, because your body {brain] had received all negative signal.
2. If your current boy friend is that much lovable and caring as you said, then practice 'foreplay' For longer period, make it a habit to feel orgasm through foreplay [This include clitoral stimulation through tip of tongue and finger, of course with soft pressure, not hard']
3. Do more and more kissing on lips and breast. All these will give you experience of normal to wild orgasm.
Follow above instruction for longer time, say for half to one year. And then you will be able to enjoy 'intercourse'
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