A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:there is this boy ive been seeing for the past few months i only see him at weekends, i really really like him but i think hes using me, he has made it clear he doesnt want anything serious, but hes asking me to have sex with him, i want to but past relationships (all of which ive been messed about)are putting me off it, infact they have ruined my ability to trust anyone its ruining my life i cant see me ever being in a serious relationship. i have little or no confidence i hate my body i hate my personality and i hate the fact that im a doormat. plz plz help me !!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you very very much xxxsoulsistaxxx this is the only decent bit of advice ive had on this matter so far my friends just seem to tiptoe around the truth to save hurting me when i ask them...your opinion is very much appreciated and i will take on board everything youve said even though its gonna kill me to break this off i now know its for the best....i cant thank you enough xxx
A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (17 October 2006):
 The only way to get over the past is to change the way your life goes. If you get close to someone and they start to walk all over you, there's only you who can be blamed after it's happened lots of times. You know what they say: 'trick me once, shame on you, trick me twice, shame on me.'
You need to work on yourself for a while and forget about all these other people who keep coming into your life and messing things up. It seems like your confidence is very low and, when this is the case, you tend to choose men who are no good for you because you think you are worth no more.
But you are worth more than this and, once you start to see that after a lot of work, you'll start to notice the people in the world who are worth your time and you'll have the confidence to want to go and get them.
But for now, you need to forget all about this guy and all the others for that matter. See a counsellor and start working on your self esteem. People only treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated and it sounds to me like this is going to keep happening unless you change your ways. Don't rely on these men to change, they never will. Just don't be the mug that's on the other end of the using and abusing ways.
This guy is messing you around. He doesn't want what you want so just tell him where to go. The main issue in all this is you and getting you back on track. I know it can be hard when people have knocked you down so far but you'll be so much stronger once you climb back up to the person you want to be. Then you'll find someone amazing who is worth your time and they will hopefully restore your faith in men.
But before any of this can happen, sort you out. Focus on you for a few months, you'll see the difference it makes to the way you allow people to treat you. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2006): I feel the same. I geuss if i never have a serious relationship or never trust any one it will be ok but i will never let anyone use me and make me feel crap in the process - you need to do this. Get away from this guy he is no good. I'm told there are goods guys around somewhere. Anyway it sounds like you're in highschool anyway young boys are not the wayt o go they have no idea how to treat somebody and are controlled by hormones.
You need to find somebody who makes you feel good about the things you don't like about yourself, having sex with some guy won't help, tell him to go away and ignore him - you will find someone and if you don't you'll be ok you only need your friends and family to complete you not a guy :)
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