A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I really need some support right now. I have been with my partner for three years and everything in the relationship is great. He loves me, I love him we respect each other etc. However, I cannot get over how pretty his ex is! They broke up five years ago and they have no contact, in fact she's gone on and married someone else and seems to be happy.My problem is that I cannot see what my partner sees in me! She was blonde, slim, and so so pretty with a heart shaped face and lovely slender arms (I'm going by Facebook pictures). I know that when they were together they didn't get along, he said she was shallow and dull etc. And he is ALWAYS going on about how great my personality is! That we have lots in common etc but I dont want to be the girl with the great personality I wish he was into me because I was hot (I'm not blonde, I'm a short round asian woman with black hair). How do I get over this? Thank you for your help
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Jen1689 +, writes (4 September 2010):
 I, too, suffer from retroactive jealousy. How long have you been feeling this way, if I may ask? Have you felt this way since the start of your relationship? If so, have you talked to him about it?My fiance's last ex was quite pretty herself. I've obsessed over her pictures and found nearly no flaws in her facial features. My fiance has told me himself that he knows that she possesses admirable facial features: big lips, big eyes, etc., but that mine are much more superior. I think that her and I look similar in some ways (blue eyes, dark hair, similar smiles), and for some reason, that gives me even more of a reason to feel insecure.As far as body image goes, I do know that being Truly in love with someone makes you see their body in a light that you've never seen any other body before. Before I found my fiance, I was into the "pretty poster boy" figure. I was also into skinny skater punk types (couldn't for the life of me tell you why...). I even dated a few because that's what I was after. However, once I began dating my fiance, all of that went out the window. He doesn't have the most "built" body I've ever seen, and he's put on a bit of weight since we began dating, but he has, by far, the most attractive body I will ever come across. He doesn't have to do anything specific and I will just melt. I don't find others attractive now. Call me a liar or say that I'm even lying to myself, but that's how I feel.Your boyfriend doesn't have to be with a "hot blonde" to feel attracted to a woman. I used to think blondes were the only thing men went for, and believe me, I was "white" blonde when I went for it. Bleach was the only thing my hair saw for about a year. But then I realized what was most attractive on Me. My hair is back to its natural color (brunette), and I've found that it's just as attractive, if not moreseo. Personally, it's all in how you carry yourself and how much confidence you have. Remember in high school how there were the "pretty popular girls" that everyone doted over and found attractive, but looking at them you could pick out several features that just plain weren't? It's because they had confidence in themselves that leaked onto everyone. People eat it up. Your boyfriend probably loves you because of the person you are when he's with you. Personality and confidence can make or break anyone's looks, believe me.Smile a lot, try new things with your hair, dress to impress him, and he'll take notice. If you have issues with your weight or something because of his ex, join a gym and build confidence in bettering yourself for your own self-esteem. Five years won't be wasted for some guy who STILL thinks about his ex when he's with you, believe me. He's probably embraced the fact that you're not like her in the slightest. So relax and enjoy the fact that you're not her. Realize that you're a whole new woman -- a better one. One that can bear his children without needing to have a C-section because your hips are too small (yikes!). Breathe easy, and take care.
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