A
female
age
36-40,
*heEmpress
writes:I've been in a relationship for 6 months, been thru a lot but really don't want a relationship anymore period. The issue is I haven't been able to get him out. What do I have to do? He has no job now after I threw him out and stuck in my area for legal reasons. It seems like the more I try to get him out the more dependent he becomes. Any bit of feasible and fair advice would be appreciated. Please and thanks!
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (23 October 2016):
 As long as he believes you won't put him out on the street, OP, he'll have you over a barrel. He has the freedom to screw up job opportunities, get drunk and get into trouble.
Time to disillusion him. Next time he screws up-don't even answer the phone.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 October 2016):
 You do know he is NOT your responsibility?
He is your ex. Not your child.
If you can't let go, then instead of thinking YOU have to find him a job and home, FIND a homeless shelter and take him there.
YOU are right now enabling him to the extent that HE isn't trying to do anything for himself, he KNOWS you will do it.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 October 2016):
 Sweetie you need to remember he is not a child, he does not require you to look after him. If you keep coming to his rescue you will never be rid of him. It looks like you won't let go as you are afraid he will end up homeless but that is not your problem and it is something that he will use to keep staying with you. You need to kick him out and stop thinking about him.
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A
female
reader, TheEmpress +, writes (22 October 2016):
TheEmpress is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks! This is all stellar advice and I've already done most of this. I even put a deposit down on a room for him back home but when he got out of jail for violating the RO that was later dropped, he had no money to get there and without a support system or eligibility for help so I ended up bringing him back until he got on his feet. That was 2 months ago. I got fed up w his shit and dropped all his belongings at work the moment he had enough money for a room. What did he do? Went on a 3 day drinking binge, lost his job and slept under bridges in town. So I brought him to the hospital to be admitted to rehab and they released him for no insurance. So now that it's cold out, I brought him back. I just have to make sure he finds a job accessible to public transportation and make sure he's emotionally ready this time. I don't see any other way out that isn't putting someone on the street. Thanks for the replies!
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (22 October 2016):
Further to that, I would gather up anything valuable in the meantime, such as official documents, photos coin collections etc and hide them somewhere he can't get to them.
This may be paranoid of me, but I would hate for him to use what time he has left to sabotage your things or your home.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 October 2016):
You might need to go to the Courthouse and get an eviction notice. Especially if the address is on ANY mail he receives there.
You can ask him to leave without notice if he is NOT on the lease and therefore not a tenant. Also, there is no 3-day notice to quit either since he is not paying rent. Just don't be physical and be reasonable about letting him get his things before leaving. Practically speaking if the cops are called they may tell you he has 30 days but at the same time will probably tell him to pack up some things and go elsewhere if you guys are not getting along.
I would go get an eviction noticed - have him served with it (this may cost you around $50-100)
And I would change the locks the MOMENT he is out the door.
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