A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:We are both married and we work together. She is my secretary and we clearly enjoy each others company. She has good values and informs me that nothing would ever happen and she is just being a friend. We text each other regularly and have a laugh; she seeks my company at social events. She confuses me because I cannot get her out of my mind! Am I getting mixed messages or just mad? How do I get her out of my mind and not make a fool of myself?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, s_princess  +, writes (25 May 2008):
sorry to say that, but in order to save your marriage, fire her.
A
female
reader, Madame M  +, writes (25 May 2008):
Lots of times people like each other even when they are married to other people. Evidently you have already raised the question of where your relationship will go, if your secretary has assured you that "nothing would ever happen." Let's just say, never say never. If you care about your wife and family, or even just about not making a fool of yourself, decide to keep your distance and stick to the decision. If she still flirts with you and tests your resolve, you may need to clearly let her know you want her to stop. If you give her any positive response, despite saying you don't want her to do it, it will invite her to push further, because she feels very affirmed by your attention and responsiveness. Protect yourself and her by doing the right thing. It is difficult, but moving towards her rather than away will make things a million times more difficult.
It feels so good to be in a situation of mutual attraction, all the good advice in the world won't keep you from getting in trouble unless you choose to remain committed to your own families. I'm in a difficult situation myself resulting from an attraction--not an affair--so I can tell you that going further in this direction will not make you happy. We all want the short term pleasure, but there is always a cost if you choose it over your long term commitments.
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