A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I can't get intimate with any one!My last tender moment was about four years ago i don't know whats wrong. im healthy not bad looking pretty articulate if a little dyslexic.(excuse the spelling mistakes) i have full time job or tho on off for last four years. When ever i get close or intimate with a girl my heart races my mind goes blank and i panic then i freeze. any possible moment iv help create, i wreck. this as happened my whole life iv had sex five time with three different girls each time was a nerv-racking experience although the second time with the same girl is easier no girlfriend was willing to help me through it. so i soon gave up trying. Four years on and i feel i will never find a relasionship that will work and paying for sex maybe my only release iv not resorted to that but what do i do? i crnt afford therapy so don't bother. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (11 January 2009):
 You may be psyching yourself out - Thinking and analyzing about it too much. My recommendation would be to: 1) Relax and if necessary, fake more confidence, 2) Get out and hang where girls are abundant, such as near university spots, dance classes or wherever, 3) Don't talk too much when you meet a possibility, 4) Go for a girl who appears a bit shy and is not the most beautiful, and above all, try to lock eye contact with every gal you encounter, even at the grocery store, and if they look and offer a little smile, for goodness sake, SAY something! Anything! Stop in your tracks and try to continue conversing. And finally, if you get rebuffed, try again with another.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2009): I hope you feel better soon, maybe you should just get very comfortable and romantic with them before you think about sex, that way you are sure to enjoy it. Relax its no big deal, its natural. Sex isnt the only thing you can do, im sure that plenty of foreplay might help put you at ease. Maybe your worried about your body or self conciousness, put some music on and realax, dont think about sex untill you are ready.
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A
male
reader, Chippymunk  +, writes (11 January 2009):
 Hmm, perhaps your symptoms are a result of your fearfulness of doing something wrong and either embarrassing yourself or scaring the girl away. I'm not sure how severe your nervous episodes are, but I think it's pretty normal for everybody to panic when they first get intimate with someone they love. You mentioned that your 2nd time with the same girl was easier, so I think it's just a matter of comfort level. Don't worry too much, you just need to find someone who'll help you through it. Those girls who left you weren't worth your time anyway. If they won't even help you through this problem, how much do you think they'll help you after marriage?
You can also try "giving up to failure" the next time you get intimate. Just believe in your mind that you've already messed up and no matter what you do, you cannot embarrass yourself or disappoint her any further. Think in your mind that after that moment, she'll leave you and you won't see her again. This should hopefully calm you down a bit since worrying about messing up may be the root cause of your problem.
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