A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hey I have a problem. I'm 19 and a couple of times I have tried to ask girls out but they all say no when i ask if they want to go on a date with me. I always asked them questions, and was polite etc. but it hasn't worked for me and it has led me into a downward spiral of rejection and heartache. i've looked at porn every now and then when I was in my teens but since I got rejected for the last time it has become a bad habit. I can't get excited now without looking at porn, unlike before when I could just think of the girl I fancied. Can anyone help me as I don't want to becomeone of these sad men who just look at porn all their lives.
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female
reader, penta  +, writes (23 August 2007):
 I'd say yes. The "real thing" is usually much more fun than the most interesting fantasy...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwill I eventually find intimate stuff with my girlfriend as interesting as I have done with the hardcore stuff if I stop looking at porn?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): if you can no longer get excited without looking at porn first you need to stop now before it gets even more serious. you have become desensetized to the stimuli and will need more hardcore stuff to get excited, this is a very slippery slope. you may also be trying to ask out girls that are out of your league dating wise because you are influenced by what you see in porn...
don't get down on yourself, no one is single their entire life and as long as you are nice to women and sincere in your heart, not just looking for sex, you will meet someone. just remember they are not going to show up at your door,,you have to get out and do things, i.e. join a sport club, do volunteer work, get a hobby
good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): I agree with your concern. There really is such a big difference between getting excited with the thought of someone you fancy as opposed to only getting turned on by looking at smut. That you realise this is very sensitive and sensible of you.
I think you are right to be concerned that this become a habit. I dated someone for two years who was addicted to smut and it really hurt our relationship. And I believe he too had gone through a period of rejection. Maybe that started it all. The thing is that it didn't stop even after he had met me. And it's not because I am a dog. I am really beautiful and super cool. It just became an addiction, I guess.
So here is my advice. First don't panic. Second, don't give up trying to ask girls out. Keep trying. It's important. I know a couple of them rejected you. But oh well. Guys get rejected all the time. ok? Someone is going to dig you. Get out there and keep asking girls out. Maybe change your approach a little bit. Try something different next time. Try a different type of girl even.
But the point is that I think your concern is very reasonable. And with an outlook like the one you have, I can't imagine any girl not thinking you are great. So hang in there. Cause hopefully you will meet many girls whose image can help you get excited so that you can give your mind a break from porn. Force yourself to reverse this habit. I think in the long run it will be the best for you and for the lucky girl who you end up with.
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A
male
reader, legacy +, writes (21 August 2007):
O.K. you got two things going here at least, one is your insecurity and the other is your liking of porn. Don't mix up the two. If you like porn go ahead and like porn. What's addicted mean to you? Every waking minute you look at it or are you feeling guilty about it. If the porn thing is consuming your life then yeah it's an addiction and get some counseling. As for girls, the above is right on. Get involved in some activities bigger than yourself and get some experience, meet people, and find other interests. You will meet interesting women and if you are learning and growing in other areas besides sex then they will take an interest in you. If it's all about sex with you, women know this and it's a turn-off.
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (21 August 2007):
Find something else you like to do and get involved in it. A club, a sport, a hobby, your church, anything. Get busy. Do something for yourself that will give you self-confidence. Confidence is sexy. And you might meet someone who shares your interests.
But don't do this whatever thing with the intention of meeting someone, or you'll chase her away. Neediness is not sexy.
As for the porn, if you're busy enough at something productive, you'll have less time for porn.
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