A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i discovered that my husband had an affair back in the summer, he said it was sex only once and meant nothing, but he took her out to lunch at an expensive restaurnat and contiued phone contact for about a month. he has beg to keep our marriage together but i cant forive him and him being with this other woman is constantly in my head. how do i get over this should i contaqct the other woman to hear what sort of relationship this was.
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female
reader, Lil222  +, writes (17 December 2010):
When my ex - husband cheated on me, i knew it instantly. To top it off, the women would phone him at home and I could find their numbers. So, yes, I called in rage and tore into them and I'm glad I did. Really though the problem was his -- he ended up humiliating her and really hurting her. Poor thing -- she was so smitten by him. However, he was the one who lied and cheated and he hurt many people -- including our children. Best thing to do -- if a marriage is on the rocks, best to leave and end it. No matter how you look at it, no matter how you excuse cheating, it's a lose/lose situation.
Did I feel better after tearing into the other woman? Yes. Was I better off? In the long run yes -- my ex's affair/s got me out of a dreadful marriage because it gave me a reason to kick his sorry butt out the door.
I was also the other woman, just recently, and honestly, my main worry was about his kids and his spouse, so I ended my affair with him and sent him back to his wife. It was tough.
What he does at this point is his concern and I've become stronger. I feel sorry for his family. Good luck.
A
female
reader, sml78  +, writes (18 May 2010):
I can realate to your pain. I have been married 10yrs now, and my husband has had multiple transgressions. Though they happened 6yrs ago, it feels like it just happened. I have recently looked up one of the women on facebook to compare myself to her there was nothing special about her that I saw. When I had found out about this affair I wondered why, and found out the only answer I could find was as lame as they get "it was just sex" "she ment nothing to me". Well moron I guess I didn't either huh? It's all the same story "I've changed", blah,blah, blah. It's not worth the pain. I think the best thing for a women is to make sure you can take care of yourself (and children) financially, then kick him to the curb:) I have found that it is best to cut your ties as early as possiable, because nothing will be solved by calling the other woman. Calling her will only make you feel worse (not her). Remember you are the one who is hurting not her, she isn't laying awake at night wondering about her poor exlovers wife! As far as marriage counciling it may work only if you both really want it to and again, both work for it. The most important thing right now is you! You need to make sure you are ok emotionally and physically.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): I am in the same boat, I do not think I want to forgive him!!!
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (30 November 2007):
 Hi. I can understand that you have a feeling of being lied to by your husband. And a feeling that you want to expose him for the lies he is telling you. He probably is lying, but if you think about it what do you gain by speaking to the other woman. The fact is he had an affair, whether once or a hundred. Saying it was only once is pathetic frankly, because you discovered him anyway, so presumably it would have carried on until discovery.
It is probably the pain of betrayal and deceit that is eating away at you and preventing foregiveness. If he had come right out and given you a full and frank and honest confession, you might be able to start forgiving. But all the time you feel he is lying, then you will not start the forgiving process inside your heart.
How you get over it? As said before you won't until you feel he has confessed truthfully to you. The ball is in his court.
Threaten divorce unless he starts being honest. You have no alternative.
Good luck
Richard
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A
female
reader, pgissyd +, writes (30 November 2007):
 NO! Do not contact her, you will either hear stuff you dont want to hear, or they would already have a story and you would only hear what hubby has already told you.
If you love your husband and want to forgive him, the only way you are going to move forward is lots of talking to find out what went wrong. The best way of course, is counceling, marrage counceling.
But you need to ask yourself if you want to forgive him, if you dont then your door is open to kick him through xxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2007): You could contact her - but do you really want to hear. She may lie or she may tell the truth but you still won't know for certain. You have to decide if you want to stay with him. It will always be on your mind and he may do it again. I would say, if he had sex once with her, he will have done it again.
Do you want a man like that?
You can move on -
I have been on both sides. I have been cheated on and I have been the other woman.
Most women who have an affair with a married man really do not want to hurt the wife - at the end of the day, it is his doing,as he is married to you.
Do you really want to stay that way or have a chance to feel relief from the burden of wanting to know
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