A
female
age
41-50,
*ott1982
writes:Hi this time last year I had learnt that my boyfriend now my fiance had been making calls to sex lines. I was drinking a lot and he had just lost his Nan and we had a lot of money toubles. At the time I was cut up however after a lot of thought and consideration I forgave him he promised to never to do it again and for sure he has not. I think that a lot of things were involved to make him do it and he could not appologise enough. however we had been going out for 3 years when this had happened. Now we have just got through our 4th years and I just keep thinking about it what if he was doing it for longer than he said before and I just feel wierd when I think of it and don't know how to control my feelings of hurt and don't want to go and through everything away for something that is probably not that bad. please give me some advice?
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female
reader, dott1982 +, writes (19 January 2008):
dott1982 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you I have been doing a lot of soul searching just recently and realised I am putting too much pressure on myself to get everything in place to quick and just looking for an excuse to or someone to blame. Thanks for your advice you made me feel 100%
A
male
reader, Dr. John  +, writes (19 January 2008):
 It should be a simple deduction.
It he was doing it longer than he said then you would probably have already caught him still doing it.
I have spoken to those who, once they break away from that sort of thing realize how foolish it is and stay away from it altogether.
The same thing holds true for viewing porn.
Sometimes it takes getting caught at it or something to make you stop to make someone break away from it but it many times becomes a thing of the past, not always but at least in many cases.
In his case it sounds like you don't have anything to worry about. Doc
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): You could try to forgive him. He was just being a boy, they like rude things sometimes. They also like watching football. It does not mean they would want to join the team. Remember that you are not perfect either, some people would not stick with a person who drank too much but he obviously accepts you for who you are.I know lots of women who are secretly turned on a bit by rude things but give their men a hard time about it. Think about what is acceptable to you and get some kind of agreement that does not make hard demands. You can hope for better from him but not demand and do not take offence. You can see for yourself that he obviously loves you. I am sure he can adapt his behaviour for you and probably has.
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