A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hey guys,i have a problem. Theres this girl ive been talking to, for about 3 months now. previously, before me and her, she just ended a 2 yr relationship, and i got out of a bad one with no intentions on dating anyone at all (and still have none). It was going all good for a while (i have a side note on this, ill explain it later), until recently. I had a little mishap a couple weeks back, and didnt "perform" at all the first time we tried to have sex. Never ended up happening btw.Well, she went home, and came back all weird. Wasnt talking to me much, didnt want to hang out, etc... i didnt understand it. come to find out, on her weekend home she saw her ex, and even kissed him. So i stopped talkin to her once i found out. She tried talking to me, and i ignored her, until she confronted me and asked me if she did something to piss me off. I told her what i heard, and handled the situation maturely, and we got over it. That weekend was fine.But yet again, she started acting weird again, and we didnt talk for a day. So instead of dropping it like i tried before, i decided if she contacted me again, id ask her if something was wrong. Next day, she was talking to me like she used to, like nothin was wrong, then i told her i wanted to talk to her. later that day we did. i said "i noticed we havent talked in a while, and i was wondering if something was on your mind... is it your ex? or did i do somethin wrong?"... something to that extent. she basically said "no nothings wrong, i guess ive just been busy..." and the way she said it i figured i should not push the subject anymore.We talked for a while, then she had to leave. before she left i said "ok so are we cool?" she said yep, and i kissed her. We talked for a bit longer, SHE KISSED ME, and she left. Other than the day after, where she asked me a general question, i have not spoken a single word to her. its been a week.So, i ask all you readers, what did i do wrong? if i didnt do anything, what do you think is going on in her head? Is it the ex messing with her thoughts? or do you think she just lost interest? Also keep in mind that i will be going home (about 10 hours away) within the next few weeks. is that the reason? i havent been able to pinpoint what the exact cause is. I tried, but she didnt tell me anything. she also used to tell me how much she liked me. And the weekend of our talk, her friend told me how upset she was that i ignored her... the whole loop just doesnt make any sense at all.Oh, and the side note above. Rumor spread (only for a couple hours) between friends that i was "being too clingy" and she didnt want to talk to me anymore. So, i dropped it and stopped talking to her. according to her, she never said that, and we continued what we were doing for another month and a half. any relevance?And last (im sorry, i know this is long...) should i contact her sometime in the future, or drop it completely and move on? What should i do if she contacts me?I appreciate you taking the time to read this. Any answer is accepted, and i thank you for it as well.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2010): @ Lexie88Naw, i dont want to date this girl. I mean, its not in the cards right now, i live too far away, and were both not ready. With all those factors aside, i feel like it would definitely be possible. But, like i said, its been a week since we've had contact (or even seen each other for that matter) so i highly doubt anything is going to happen. I tend to overanalyze things in general tho, thats what i do. I mean, i like her, so thats a contributing factor. Ive basically decided to ditch her anyway, so u an i are on the right track with this. Thanks for the answer!@ Moo's momidk if i want to contact her. I figured i would let it go, because i already tried the mature way to do so, with no avail. So, i might as well just wait for her to come to me, because if she has anything to say, she will. If not, then shes immature as shit because i gave her the oppurtunity to say what was on her mind. lol. Dont get me wrong tho, im talking to other girls... and i was talking to other girls why i was with her. She was just my main. Thank you for the advice tho.Any additional would be awesome :)
A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (20 April 2010):
 What strikes me as very interesting here is that you say that you have "no intentions on dating anyone at all (and still have none)" but here you are analysing this situation to death. Are you sure you're not interested in a relationship with this girl? If you really didn't care, you wouldn't be beating yourself up over this and concentrating on every minute detail.
Besides that I don't see how you did anything wrong at all. I think she's got more issues than you know and I think that her behaviour really doesn't have much to do with you.
She probably still has issues from her previous relationship and although she might be trying to move on and do new things, she's perhaps not in the right frame of mind to do so. She seems to want to move on but there are things pulling her back and messing with her mind.
But that's all speculation anyway. What do you want? If you want a relationship with this girl, then sit her down and tell her that, and try to find out if she feels the same, what's been bothering her and so on.
If you don't want a relationship but only some fun, then I don't think she's the one to do that with. She's already confusing you a lot, making you question yourself and whether you've done anything wrong. It's too much effort for someone who doesn't want a relationship isn't it?
So do you contact her? Decide first what you want from her. Then use that to decide whether you should contact her. If you don't want anything long term with her, I'd say you'd just be wasting your time and energy on something that will not go anywhere. She's not in the right frame of mind I don't think. If you really don't want anything serious with her, I'd say drop it now.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (20 April 2010):
 Mmmm I'm having trouble figuring her out too. Are you still not wanting a relationship? because if not I would just move on. Also I'm wondering if she's found that fact out and is unsure what this relationship is??
Otherwise I would throw the ball in her court. Contact her and say that your going to be 10 hours apart soon does she want to keep in contact or not. Then just leave it at that. You will soon know if she wants to persue it or not.
Hope this is some help.
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