A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know I'm young, so I'm not going to naively throw the word 'love' around, but if there ever was anyone, it would be him, I've had strong feelings for him for nearing 4 years now, we've always gotten on really well and known how we've felt about each other but we've never actually become an item.My problem now though is he's changed. He used to be really sweet and caring, I remember the first dirty text I ever recieved from him, I didn't believe it was off him, but I grew to like this side of him too, he's the only boy who's ever done anything to me that actually felt toe tingling good. But then we both started different colleges and stopped speaking, as devastated as I was at this, I relatively managed to just get on with my life.We bumped into each other the other day and said that we missed each other, then he slid his hand down my pants and manouvered mine into his but we didn't really do anything as there were other people around.Since this, he's been suggesting we do more and more, he insists on me pleasuring myself for him and things like that. But we got into an argument about how there was no point in having this purely sexual relationship when its making me feel like an object and he apologised and seemed really sorry, but no sooner than I had accepted his words he was starting again.I don't have a problem with the physical side to us, I like it really, but not when its all there is and its killing me to have just that with him because I've always been so emotionally attatched to him, but I fear that if I keep refusing this or complaining then we will have no relationship at all,and I just can't bring myself to stop any of it when thats the alternative.So really I just need some form of advice to getting our old chemistry back before sex or alike was an issue, or to just be able to cut him off completely and then coping with the heart ache all over again.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009): Thanks for all the advice here, I agree with the first two in that I know I'd be better off not having anything to do with him at all, but I just see that concept as too difficult to live with after how long we've known each other and how close we have been before in the past.
As for trotman68, I tried speaking to him and he seemed really shocked that I felt how I did and was really apologetic but then when I tried to sway the conversation to being friends like before he just seemed to rush through it agreeing with what I was saying and then just started to take my clothes off again, when I stopped him he asked if it was bad timing and I just left, he text me saying sorry but still didn't even seem to understand why I was upset or even that I was upset.
A
female
reader, trotman68 +, writes (10 August 2009):
 Hi, I hope this will help a little bit. I just had a friend of mine go through the same thing. Firstly you shouldnt do anything you feel uncomfortable doing. Also I have to say this to you. If you feel you dont trust him to do this for him, then again, please dont let anyone make you feel that you have to do it, because you really shouldnt if beeing pushed. I personally think that when two people are having sex, there also must be in place, the making love bit to. You both should be able to talk very openly about this subject and yes your right to feel this way, because it can over take peoples relationships. I would say that you feelings have to be taken into account here and if explained properly, I think he will understand. Tell him that on the occasions you do want to do this for him, it makes it all the more special for both of you, otherwise it becomes a sex act and people end up wanting the emotional side of things in the end, but then its to late as they split up. I dont think either of want that to happen. A little communication has to be put into place, thats all.Men do this as it makes them feel close to their partners as they want to spend time with them and its inpossible for them to do so. This often makes them feel that you know how their wants us, even though he isnt with you. They say its their way of letting us know that its us they want and are showing us that they are thinking of us. So dont b to hard on him. Trust me I think you will find that splitting up isnt the answer, it can be resolved. Please let me know how you get on. I hope this has helped a little bit.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009): He is definitely only in it for the sex. If you really care about this person it would be best to break it off before you are left heartbroken. If you choose to have a sexual relationship with him your feeling will only get deeper and that will make it much worse for you later. I know you probably think its better to have some kind of relationship than nothing at all but that always backfires.
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A
male
reader, IamSoConfused +, writes (10 August 2009):
You have to be strong and stand up for yourself. Try and slowly get back into your relationship and "allow" him certain things. If you feel it is getting too sexual you have to stop it if that isn't what you want.
To be honest, I don't think you really want that type of person and getting over him would be a better option for you. You can find someone more suited to you that doesn't treat you like that and treats you with respect.
You are still young after all. You don't have to be with anyone as well. It won't kill you :)
Good luck in whatever you decide.
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