A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:What do you think,? I dont have friends as such, as my partner gave me that a girl could ever need and in return all his needs were met too, both real happy,for a good eight years great feeling. Until children and where we lived and what we earned was not enough to get by,so with that for all the right reasons financially.... He started to work away, hard working at that and 17 years on and im still hurting, brought the children up, living the lonely miserable life, disatisfied and robbed of the loving caring sharing,soulmate set up we created for each other, you know, feeling part of, belonging etc... and only get to see him may be 10 days in a year !He is a one woman man and I am a one man girl, so no room for third parties. Soul mates with little contact and not much to say...After a recent visit for one week, since last year, and may be thats it until next year, I cant cope anymore, Im not a naturally miserable person its just how the situation has made me.After a heart to heart...overall it seems I have to like it or leave as that is what he does and will be away for the next 15 years without question. He will continue to provide and I will contribute as we have always done. But for what, or have I lost the plot.Any thoughts appreciated..What would you do
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female
reader, lexilou +, writes (7 June 2008):
 Your age says 13-15 but that must be an error!!
I have a friend in your situation but originally she moved all over the world with his jobs and lived in many beautiful countries however by the time they had 5 kids together she decided to settle in the uk as it wasnt fair on them or their schooling.
She had an enormous house, lots of money, nice cars and things but only saw him twice a year for only a few weeks at a time. She was so lonely and miserable but put up with this for around ten years until she finally realised all the money in the world couldnt make up for not having him to share her life with, it was also hard for him to fit into the dynamic of the household on his 'visits' which ran smoothly without his help. She decided to leave him but it broke her heart as she really did love him but he wasnt prepared to stop working abroad. I never understood how she could put up with this.
My hubbie worked away mon-fri and it was unbearable, I used to cry all day monday and we missed each other so much that he gave it up and worked closer to home, initially with a pay cut but 18 months on he's earning more than he did before and he's home every day. Money isnt everything and you learn to adapt with what you have.
If he is not prepared to come home for good you have to decide what to do. When he retires will he want to come back to the home you have set up or will he prefer to stay where he is and expect you to move your life to be with him.
I feel you have put your life on hold to wait for him but he has not done anything for you except pay the bills sorry if that sounds harsh but if he wont compromise I think you should end it now and start living your life x
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (7 June 2008):
Why on earth didn't you move to either where he worked, or where you have family and friends?
Well that would be my advice, it's not too late, move house to where you either have him, or have a social circle for support.
If you really can't move, then you have to work on going out and meeting people. Join a writers group? Go to keep fit classes? Do anything that gets you out of the house and seeing other human beings. I'm an army wife and I live in the middle of nowhere so I know its hard but if you make the effort then you can meet new friends.
Good Luck!! xx
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