A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been in contact with a married man with two older children since 2009 . We chatted for about 6 months before i let him in my life. We got serious and within 3 weeks his wife found out . He called if off. I was gutted , he would avoid me at work. We did start talking but i always kept it about work Then year and half later he called me about work and told me he had no regrets . We met again everything was still there. That was a year and half ago. I since left the job, but we meet occasionally and he phones me 3 times a week. No promises but now won't open up. I have sent him a message to say i feel he is backing off. He doesn't answer but keeps calling. Sometimes keeping it brief and starting the conversation with anything but what i last text. Just want him to be honest. I can't move on because my feelings are so strong and feel i could grow old with him. He makes me smile when we have time together. I feel sad when he doesn't get touch and if he goes on holiday ny life is unbearable. if anyone asks me out I go but always think of him. So feel i would never commit to someone else. What should I do?
View related questions:
at work, married man, move on, on holiday, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (24 January 2013):
 Just something for you to consider...
it is not being attached to a married man that is stopping you from intimacy with someone emotionally available...
it is your fear of intimacy that saddles you with settling for a married man.
Once you figure out what is it is you are afraid of, then you will be able to see the situation for what it is: an excuse so that you do not have to make yourself truly open and vulnerable to a real relationship.
I wish you peace.
-Frank
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (24 January 2013):
 I'm sorry for you.... Several Aunts and Uncles have already posted wise advice to you before I'm submitting this. It is heartbreaking to "see" a person set themselves up for the long-term anguish such as you are doing.....
Married men who have "a bit on the side" are conscience-less dogs, who have no regard for the unfortunate lady who has "fallen" for him.... and the lady will do ANYTHING to validate what she is doing... and - as several have pointed out - will spend HOURS beside the phone, waiting for her DOG-partner to call... Don't expect that call...
Good luck.... Lovely women (like you) deserve better... but you have to ask for (or, insist upon) it!!!!!!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2013): "Just want him to be honest."
You knew he was lying to his wife from the start and if a guy sees no reason to be honest to his wife, then what makes you expect that he'll be honest to his mistress?
Don't believe what he SAYS, believe what he DOES (or in his case, DOESN'T do). He will never leave his wife for you, he has absolutely nothing to gain and everything to lose. You're just a piece on the side, an easy lay strictly on his terms and strictly at his convenience. He knows what to say in order to sweet talk you into bed and you're naive and/or amoral enough to think that's true love. Sorry for the harsh language but as a guy who respects women but knows many jerks who don't, I can tell you that's exactly what he thinks of you.
The sooner you rid yourself of your starry-eyed notions and face the cold harsh reality of your dead-end bottom-feeding backstreet extra-marital affair, the sooner you can get on with your life.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 January 2013):
 Oh yeah, you're going to grow old with him alright. You'll be an old woman sitting, by herself, by the phone waiting for it to ring. He'll be an old man sitting on the couch with his wife looking at the pictures of the grandkids with a nice cosy fire in the fireplace and a roast in the oven.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2013): You obviously fill a gap in his life, a need for something extra outside his marriage. I would say look at this objectively, as you have set it out here, and you will see this thing is futile. Trouble is, you are besotted with him and can't see straight. You are willing you accept the situation you are not emotionally strong enough to end it. But honestly, regardless of the pain I would tell him its over. Partly because this story is not going to have a happy ending anyway and also because it gives you the chance to meet someone else.
...............................
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (24 January 2013):
You "chatted" for six months, were "serious" for just three weeks, and you cannot got over him?
For one, he's married. Leave him alone, and tell him to leave you alone. For two, given the limited contact you've had, you shouldn't be even thinking about him a year and a half later, never mind still fawning over him. You may do well to get some counseling.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2013): Why is it so hard for you to understand that this man is a pig and he is only using you for sex. Of course he is going to say the things you want to hear ...he is good at lying...he's been doing a great job lying to his WIFE. do you actualy think you are the only one he is stepping out on his WIFE with?
Please have some self respect and get out of this mess you have created for yourself. I'm sad for you that you are unable to see how wrong this is and if the shoe was on the other foot and you were the wife and he was doing this to you.
Even if this man did leave his wife for you...remember how you got where you are in the first place....when he gets antsy and sees someone else he is attracted to he will be stepping out on you next.
Try finding and getting involved with someone who is unattached. Don't be part of the housewrecking problem...be part of the solution, do the right thing and walk away.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (24 January 2013):
 Im going to be brutally honest with you and say that your best bet is to cut him loose and get on with your life. Nothing is ever going to happen, invarible married men never leave their wives, so ultimately you are left dangling with nothing but late calls and empty promises. Is this really the life you want for yourself, hanging around for ever for a man that's never going to be with you?. Abolish contact with him, get on with your life and find someone who's got time for you, and who's not married.
Good luck
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2013): Sweetheart the worst thing you can do as a woman is falling in love with a married man, am talking from experience,he will never marry you and what comes first is his wife and children no matter what he will never leave his wife for you.once his done using you his going to dump you.am just saying and telling you like it is.move on with your life find a single man and stop worrying yourself over someone who is not worth your time. Ti know its hard but its worth it trust me
...............................
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (24 January 2013):
 He is not emmotionally involved with you , hence ignoring any explanations. You are just sex. He will drop u as soon as his wife gets suspicious.
What I dont understand is why u let him do this to you. Where is your pride and self respect.
As much as it hurts , you need to let this man go , even if it means seeking help. Sounds to me its more a one side obsession and he has no complaints as he has the best of both worlds.
...............................
|
