A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was hoping for some good advice please.I am just starting university this week where I am doing a part time access course in Scotland. I have been planning to do this for a year and try give myself a good life. However family circumstances are making things very stressful.I am 21 years old and I am from a normal family. I have one younger brother and 2 loving parents. However I have been lost this past year etc done some things that some people would look their noses at me for (and my family are doing just know). I recently done some glamour modelling and i really enjoyed it but when my parents found out all hell broke lose in my home. So i said i wouldnt do it anymore so i wouldnt get kicked out. My best friend got me pole dancing lessons for my birthday and my dad freaked out over that aswell. I understand why their concerned and they probarly have every right to be. However I am 21 know and i want to be my own person. I dont see what i was doing was wrong. the pole dancing lessons are just for fitness but my dad won't understand that. Its like i am rebelling turning into the worst person in the world and i am causing so much hurt for my family. However any decisons i make are nothing to do with my Dad or MUm. Its about me. So i am faced with a delimma that i feel i cannot life at home anymore. I cant be who i am there and to have any relationship with my parents i need to move out. Or we will continue to fight and argue and things will never be good while we are all under the same roof. I dont want to leave under bad circumstances however if i leave i will need to get a full time job and not do uni. This is a very tough decision i am faced with and i have no idea what to do.
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male
reader, saltwater +, writes (26 August 2008):
 I'll tell you a story from personal experience that is somewhat relevant...
Before I went to Uni I didn't really get along with my mum. We didn't have massive fights or anything; but we never really felt like a really close mum and son...now I know pretty much every teenager has bad experiences with their parents at some point; but our relationship was a bit more sour.
So I was looking forward to going to Uni to get away from home and living on my own (well, with other flatmates).
The short story is that when you go Uni and live away from home you realise how much you love your parents, and realise how much they actually do for you; how much they are trying to make you do the right thing.
If you get a full time job away from home you will realise the same thing.
Now my mum and I both have a better relationship because I understand how she thinks; I understand that she wants me to do well in life; as most parents do of their children.
The short story is don't cut off your nose to spite your face; don't move away just because of some arguments of differences of opinions.
You can understand your dad freaking out about pole dancing lessons can't you?
He is looking out for you. That doesn't mean his criticism is right -- but you do need to talk to him and tell him that they are just for fitness. You're both adults after all so you should be able to talk rationally.
I can't tell you what decision to make other than to say that don't make rash decisions based on your parents opinions -- they are looking out for you and want you to make a success of yourself.
Now you may disagree with their opinions; but you're 21, so you're an adult. You should be able to talk to them to resolve differences of opinions.
You said yourself that they are 2 loving parents; make sure you don't lose them.
Good luck
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