A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ldr watches porn stars mistress who dominate men . When we talk sexy I am extremely self conscious. It's simply not in my nature to be anything like that . That's not how I am as a person but I know that's what really floats his boat . I have gotten to the point where I'm avoiding any topic that a remotely sexual because I feel like an idiot trying to act like someone I'm not . Before people tell me to be myself , when I am ? It's completely boring to him and a let down because myself is not a woman who will say sexy things on the phone and take her clothes off for photos .I've tried explaining to him that I can only be intimate in real life not some online vamp and that he will have to use the porn stars for that but he gets mad and says I'm being unfair
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 May 2017):
 You and he should not be together. Simple as that. You should never change for anyone and he shouldn't either. Although it sounds to me like he just wants a online partner who will strip down for him and give him phone sex for free. Honestly how well do you know this guy? He sounds immature, calling you unfair is something a child would say. He is the one being unfair trying to pressure you in to something you are not comfortable with. You would be better ending this relationship. I really don't see what you get out off it.
A
male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (5 May 2017):
You and your LDR friend are - very simply put - sexually incompatible. In your heart, you'll never change into the kind of woman he is looking for. And his desires for this kind of woman are not going to change. If you start faking this, your resentment for him will grow and grow. It is time to split.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2017): If you can only be intimate in person then you shouldn't be in a long distance relationship in the first place.
If your boyfriend expects a BDSM dominatrix and you're a vanilla type girl then you shouldn't be a relationship with him in the first place.
Combine the two issues and it's clear you two are completely utterly incompatible.
No brainer! End the relationship! Next! Find a man who lives near you and isn't into exotic sex practices.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 May 2017):
 OMG Denizen really read my mind here. People PAY for that sort of thing, and for this guy to accuse you of being "unfair" is one of the biggest red flags alive. There are many guys out there who save videos like this to have as their "conquests", and the internet is FOREVER.
At worst, he'll sell your video to an amateur porn site, and you'd never know that your body is now being exploited by people you didn't want to have happen, which is in itself as much of a violating act as sexual assault itself.
I know people do it all the time, and while I don't judge people who like to do it, NEVER EVER EVER and I mean *E*V*E*R* transmit images of yourself that you wouldn't feel comfortable if your boss, parents, brother, or children would see one day. This guy isn't your husband, and he's using you. Bondage and domination is a fetish, and if it's in a relationship, it's between two consenting adults. It's fun to experiment when it's real and you two are together, but NO WAY would you want this on the internet.
Stand your ground, and if he keeps pressuring you, then he needs to go. DO NOT give in to please him. Don't do it. No internet EVER. Don't be a woman who overrides her gut in order to please her "boyfriend". NEVER. If he cared about you, he'd respect your wishes.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 May 2017):
 I fully agree with Denizen,
You are NOT being unfair, you ae being YOU. If being some "fake sexy vixen" is NOT your thing WHY on Earth should you do it?
It comes easy for some to play pretend and for others it doesn't.
Now, how OFTEN do you two SEE each other in person? And really... HOW well do you know him?
Seems to me that you two aren't all that compatible, sexually or otherwise.
If he is looking for some Dom, and that isn't something YOU WANT to do, then don't DO it.
Maybe an LDR is not really working either for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2017): I've done the same before and told my boyfriend forget about photos, if he wants to see me, it's in person. I would NEVER skype and behave like a sexual performer either. I think, unless it's something that you WANT to do, it would feel very degrading if it's not your thing. You are already unhappy in this relationship and your boyfriend doesn't sound as if he supports you or cares about YOUR feelings at all. My boyfriend has never asked again and we have great sex in person and that is all I will do. I really object to this society where because of technology, more and more women are being asked and pressured to behave in ways that are alien to them. It's alien to me too, and if your boyfriend tries to BLAME you for not wanting to do the same sexual things as him, then that is a HUGE red flag. I'm sorry to say but he sounds horrible. Please stick to your guns and be who you are, EVEN IF IT'S BORING TO HIM. I would love to see you break away from him and find someone who is sexually compatible.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (5 May 2017):
 Perhaps I'm wrong but I suspect his motives. A long distance relationship in which you are expected to strip and be sexy on Skype or role-play over the phone just sounds dodgy to me.
You wouldn't be the first woman to be duped into being exposed online to a wider audience than she imagined. It can all be recorded and put out on a porn channel without your knowing. Once that happens it is a nightmare trying to stop it circulating.
Stick to your guns. Don't do it. You aren't being unfair, he is.
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