A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing this guy for 3 years now, it has been an on/off relationship because his ex is still infatuated by him and uses there son to get his attention. I havent met his parents or anyone of his friends so on that side of the relationship hes a total stranger, but i have met his son. When im with him hes so kind to me and such a gentleman, but when im not with him hes always busy and we have to plan a day where i can see him because hes supposedly so busy. I have put up with a lot from him and his innocent ways, for example 1. after 3 years i havent met his parents, 2. he went on holiday with his ex and says it was for his son, 3. weve never been on holiday or anywhere special, 4. twice hes made me cry on my birthday for not wanting to see me. Theres so much more ive put up with, but i just cant leave him because i love him so much, im not clingy at all and ive told him ill wait for him to heal for what his ex did to him (not his sons ex). Finally after 2 years together he told me he loved me but then didnt want to be with me, now he wants to be with me but doesnt want to commit fully and let me meet his parents. Im so confused with it all because i really want us to work out but i know that i cant be his friend when i know i love him and i know i cant just stand on the side lines anymore, please help, what should i do?. I hope this is clear enough for you all to understand, all adivice good and bad is welcome x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2007): Thank you Carina for your reply to my question. Firstly no hes not married since i talked to his mum a while back but i had to say that i was a friend as i want my boyfriend to introduce me as his girlfriend, but that hasnt happened yet and i havent seen her again. I meet his son twice when he was at his house. His most recent ex dumped him because he hid his son from her and now he says he doesnt want to commit because of what she did to him and he says that split created a wall stopping him from wanting to express his emotions. Ive aske him over and over again with what he wants in a relationship and he says he doesnt know but that he doesnt want to lose me either, and also that he wouldnt be able to be my friend if he saw me dating other guys. I have no idea what he means by this and after 3 years he still doesnt know what he wants. I definatly know hes not married, but his sons mother still loves him, i know this because i found a love letter from her in his top draw when i went routing. Also i knwo its wrong for me but i had to know what was going on, i had a sneak round his house and found negligee and underwear in his draws and also loads of photographs of his ex`s in a cupboard. Is this normal? thank you for taking you time to help me its very much appreciated x
A
female
reader, Carina  +, writes (18 February 2007):
 I have to ask: are you sure he's not still married? It's just that a lot of his behaviour sounds like someone who's hiding his other life. In what circumstances did you meet his son and what age is the son? Other than meeting his son it seems that he's kept you out of his life completely. What's this about another ex who hurt him badly? Sorry about all the questions, but it sounds very suspicious to me. When you say he wants to be with you and not commit fully, what is he suggesting as a relationship? From what you've said it sounds as though he's one of those charming philanderers who keeps women around to boost his own ego and is unable to commit to anyone. He probably seems like a lovely person, but he doesn't really care about you. He wouldn't hurt you so much if he did. Let me know if I can help further.
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