A
female
age
41-50,
*osoosad
writes:My head is a mess right now, I really need to share with somebody my feelings…Last year I moved home to the country after spending nearly a decade in the city. I was 31, single and bought a house close to my parents. I was not long back home when I met my boyfriend, Colin. We hit it off immediately, had loads in common and started to spend a lot of time together. I was living with my parents until my house was ready, Colin lived in rented accommodation with a few friends. I stayed with him quite a bit during weekdays and on Saturday nights when we went out together. We did not get to spend a lot of days with each other nor do we still, since he works quite a lot during weekends, However, we managed.Just about the time my house was ready, Colin had to move out of his rented accommodation and he moved back home with his parents. Moving in with me was never going to be an option, we were not going out long and his mother is very old-fashioned, there is no way she would have approved of us living together and not being married. Even if he does stay with me on the occasional night, he has to lie to her about his whereabouts. As you can imagine I am finding this very difficult and I suppose it has put a certain strain on our relationship. It is hard only seeing him a couple of days a week and then having to wave bye-bye to him after a couple of hours. We are rarely out on the town together at weekends anymore. If we do one of us has to do the driving, as we both live at opposite ends of the town we socialise in – I live twenty miles away so it is usually me who ends up doing the driving. Now he tends to socialise with his friends at weekends, so I feel completely left out. Even though his mother’s old-fashioned ways annoy him hugely, he thinks everything else is fine. I try and talk to him but I get nowhere, he thinks I just think too much. Maybe I do! Other than him any my family, I do not have anybody here. My small circle of friends are scattered all over the country so I do not get to see them as often as I would like. I have joined a gym, just to do something. I do worry that maybe I am just too focused on him. I didn’t meet him today, rang him this evening but he didn’t seem to want to talk, he said he would ring me back but never did. If I say it to him, he will just say I am a whinge and an am looking for attention.I don’t like being upset like this over a guy. I never was before but then again I have not loved like this before. Am I just wasting my time? I hate to think that this time next year the scenario will still be the same. Should I have a right to expect more? I should be happy, I have my own house and my own business but I just spend most evenings crying. Thanks you for listeningx Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (12 March 2008):
 Dear Oosoosad
I am sorry dear. Its true you should be on top of the world after all you have achieved unfortunately the matters of the heart seem to have this power over our being, it can make you the happiest woman alive and also have the power to make u the unhappiest woman alive and the reason is still a mystery.
I might say loose him and focus on building other aspects of your life like making new friends etc however you seem to be really inlove with this guy and breaking away from him right now might hurt you more than releasing u from this pain and you might end up being vulnerable to his charms because of the unresolved feelings.
I say talk to this guy openly and tell him how this relationship is hurting you more than bringing some joy to your life instead of feeling so fulfilled u feel so much void. If he keeps shirking you stand your ground and be firm with him give him an ultimatum if u had to and keep your word. tell him the ultimatum is not a threat but a promise of what will happen because you are sick and tired of being ignored.
If this guy really loves u like he says he will listen and would want to make this relationship work. I don’t think you are asking too much or whining I think it’s only fair to expect some fulfillment in this relationship. The fact that you feel ‘alone’ at his presence it means he is not being there enough for you enough. his mother might be old-fashioned but he is an adult who can make his own decisions unless he is just a mama’s boy “mama said no”, “mama said that” doesn’t he have any backbone to stand for himself? Why did he move out from his rented house where he had a lot of independence and move back home where mama makes the rules? Maybe it was to avoid you even more? Judge for yourself.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself and take charge.
Jovial
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (10 March 2008):
 I'm sorry you're feeling so sad, and here you should be on top of the world with a new house and your own business! You have so much going on for you.
I don't think there'll be much of a change with Colin, from what you've said. If he really wanted to be with you, he would figure out a way to do it. He sounds more interested in spending his time with other people, rather than you.
You do have a right to expect more, but you may not get it with Colin, as he doesn't sound particularly concerned with your feelings if he tells you to stop whinging.
Joining a gym is a great idea, now you need to figure out other ways to meet people so that you have some new friends in town that you can start to socialize with. Classes, volunteering, dancing or cookery lessons, things like that.
You sound very intelligent and lovely, and it is a pity that you have to go through this, but I think it may be time to let him go.... sorry to say that. Have a pity party for yourself one night, watch a really heartbreaking movie, eat lots of chocolate, use up an entire box of Kleenex, then go to bed, and wake up with a strong, positive attitude and go on finish conquering the world!
All the best.
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