A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do you tell a guy that he is not what you're looking for, without hurting his feelings?I've been with my boyfriend for two years now. I love him and I have no doubt he loves me too. We do get along. We laugh and have fun together while also able to hold deep conversations and talk about our future together. The only thing is, the more I get to know him, the more I realize that we are different in ways that matter to me. I realized he does not have the qualities I'd like my future husband to have. I prefer to end things now than to continue dating knowing that he's not what I'm looking for. When he asked what it is I'm looking for, I'm afraid to tell him because I'm afraid of hurting his feelings.What do I say to him?Following are things that I'm looking for, that are important to me:1. My view on caring for our future children is that they are our responsibility. We need to work out a work schedule where either him or I will care for our children. Leaving our children at our parents' should only be an occassional priviledge. His view is, drop them off at the parents for free baby sitting. This free baby sitting can be for hours or even days. 2. At 32, I would like my man to have a job, preferably a stable career. He does not have one yet. If he's working, it's part time. I've been working full time in corporate since I was 21 yrs old.3. My day starts at 9am ... His day starts at 2pm in the afternoon. 4. He's very laid back, I want to live life.5. I depend on myself and believe that at this age, it's my responsibility to give a good life to my parents, give them spending money to retire and enjoy vacations. He still lives at home and doesn't see a problem with that.6. I'm a traveler, I can eat any thing and go on any adventure without feeling ill. His stomach is sensative and not adventurous.7. I love him and show via actions to him and his family. He just talks.. and talks.. and talks.8. I'm clean and organized. He leaves a trail of dirty clothes every where.9. To me, spending time with his little niece and nephew means coloring with them, cooking with them... to him it means turning on youtube or the ipad.Etc Etc.... I'm sorry if Im looking for too much, but I'd like my future husband to have some of the qualities. I don't want to tell him all this, but I really don't know how to break it off with him.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (29 August 2015):
 A guy like him knows you are looking someone ambitious, unless he is stupid. I don't think he would be as hurt as you imagine him to be. He is so laid back that he has hope that another woman would love him as he is. I believe you are not too sure about breaking it off with him and worry a guy with the qualities you are looking for may not love you like he does. My experience with men is that the more they care about outside image, competitiveness, the less they can devote to romantic relationships. They can also be demanding and critical of women. No man is perfect and you always need to sacrifice one quality for another. The risk is the trade off you make. The only thing you need here is a firm decision, and don't worry about him but move on with your life. He's the kind of guy who puts priority in his significant other, security and well being. He wants you all to himself.
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