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male
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*arkkav
writes: My wife and I separated last year for a year because of my verbal anger problem, and had a female friend that I did not do anything with until we were fully separated but she thought otherwise. Six months later she asked me to come back to her and I did because I knew I had made a mistake and could not deny the love for my wife.Then again about a month ago, we separated again because she thought I was seeing someone else when in fact I wasn’t. Since then I have realised how much of an idiot I have been and have been going to regular counseling and changing myself for the better.Through this month and a bit we have still been sexually active with each other here and there and have been very civil and everything was great for us and our son, even though we were separated.My wife’s attitude was “I’m not interested in looking for guys at all; I just want to concentrate on our son and my job and have time for me”. Then all of a sudden that changed she had spent Friday night at my place and stayed all day sat and it was great. On the Sunday she had her work barbie and she had kissed this guy.The next Tuesday she came over for dinner and told me she kissed him and she had said I’m not sure if I want to do it again. That broke my heart. I had written her letters and sending messages begging her please give me another chance, but she had said I need to make a decision of what I want in life. That next Sat we went to watch our son play sport. I then took him for the weekend on the Sunday. She told me she went out the night before and asked him to go with her and they kissed again, and had then said I have made up my mind and I want to try something with this guy, and again I was destroyed.Since then she has been in contact with him all the time, seeing as they work at the same place too and over Xmas she has seen him every day. The other night when I had my son she asked me to have him overnight, because she wanted to stay at his house and sleep with him.So basically I think she is doing the same mistake I did and is rushing into all of this. I don’t hate her because I know I made the same mistake. But she seems to think she’s not making one. I have told her that I am still madly in love with her and am going to wait for her, and that’s what I really want to do.I’m just hoping that it doesn’t work out with them, considering he is separated with 2 kids as well.Please help with some advice because I love her so much and it’s hard to just stand back and watch her do this with him, knowing I’m only living on hope and waiting for her to come back, which is what I really want and I don’t even want to look at other women.I am so happy now about myself and know I can show her the husband she should have married.At the moment she is saying I want to try this, and try and make it work, but if it doesn’t work out then she will give us another go.so pllllleaaaaaseeeee help thank you Reply to this Question
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (28 December 2005):
You shouldn't be her 'back up' just because if something with this guy doesn't work out, thats not right, its not fair on you.
I think you saying that you will 'wait for her' just makes hte journey for her all the more merry, as she knows that she can take her time with this guy and fool around and then when shes ready, if ever, she can always go back to you.
I think you telling her that wasn't the best thing, as its allowing her to treat you like crap.
And ultimatly you have so much hope that you both will get back together, your waiting around for her, how are you suppose to live meanwhile? Its not going to be good for you is it.
I think you need to say to her 'if you think that we will ever have a chance being together again then we need to start it now, because i cant wait around and then find out 15 years later down the track that it will never happen'. If she has any feelings left for you or any hope and realises that she can get you whenever she wants, she will make the deicison then.
Then if she says no, you can start to heal, and I know it wil be a very hard thing to deal with, but you will get thorugh it! You will. I know it can seem imposisble, but you can do it!
I hope I have helped, good luck :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2005): You are so giving. Allowing your wife to stumble upon mistakes and yet still forgiving her. Nothing is wrong with that. But what if she never realises that she is wrong in hurting you this way? You having done the same mistake does not give her the right to do the same to you. It's not productive, in fact counter productive. You should tell her exactly what you are saying now. If she refuses to listen, then it is her right to stumble and fall. If ever she decides to come back to you again, then it is a choice you need to make at that point in time, not now. Anything could happen. Enjoy the peace you have of your relationship you have with your wife now. It may never be again.
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