A
female
age
41-50,
*unglegwave32
writes:I was married for two years and have been separated for five months. My husband was verbally abusive and has anger issues, when I left the relationship I was very unhappy, to the point of being depressed. He was also very unhappy. During our separation he has come to realize how much he wants to be with me and has changed, I've seen it, we will be going to couselling and I was set on working hard to make the marriage work but I have met someone else who I know will treat me with respect and be everything my husband is not. I don't know what to do, do I try counselling to see if things would work with my husband or do I just decide to end it and go with the other guy. I don't want to hurt my husband, but I don't want to be treated like he treated me, everything about the other guy is what I desire. Can my husband really change? My heart says to call it quits, my brain says to go to counselling and give it a good try, any thoughts out there?
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female
reader, elsie  +, writes (23 March 2007):
 i think the fact that you have met another guy shows youve moved on.the fact that you become depressed means you turned the anger in on itself.so where is all that anger going to go once you see your husband again?i think it only fair that you tell this new guy whats going on aswell.this will give him the chance to decide what he can tolerate,hate to say it but that may give you your answer.it always makes me sad when i see that it takes alot of pain,grief(mostly on your part)to make these men sit up and take notice.ask yourself one question did you feel that he loved you at all in the relationship?even though he treated you badly was he sorry after what hed done or is it only now you can see hes truly sorry?well youve got a tough decision but for a change put yourself first.gook luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2007): Ask yourself two questions:
1. Do I still love him?
2. Can I focus on my marriage and give it a 100%?
Only you can answer those questions but I can tell you from personal experience that you will always wonder what would happen if you were with the other guy. People will tell you that "The grass isn't always greener on the other side." and that you should stay true to your marriage but you will always remember how your husband treated you, and even after therapy, the resentment may always be there.
Do not make a rash decision and think this out.
-J
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (19 March 2007):
 This is tough. You married for a reson and for better or worse. Separation is not supposed to be a time when you're dating other people really. It's meant to be a breather form the person you're with. It's a step in a process. The process can end in divorce or reconciliation. If you're chasing another guy then youre not focused on your marriage which is supposed to be number one.
Everything sounded good i your post until the word " but". After that, everything went downhill. Ideally, you'll try and make a go of it with your husband. That is what you're "supposed" to do. It sounds like you still love him so why not give it a try.
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