A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ive been with my Fiancee for 16 months. We have been sexually active for a year now and he was my 1st. I can make him orgasm every time, but Ive never had one. He is amazing and when he touches me it feels amazing and my legs jump. I get the sensation that I need to urinate, why is this? Please help as this is really getting to my fiancee and its affecting the relationship just because I cant seem to have an orgasm.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your help =] and thank you dorothy dix, both posts helped alot =]
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (26 August 2010):
Hello again. The leg jumping (as you say), is maybe part of a little orgasm but you are not allowing it to go further. The whole body is involved in an orgasm, although the main tingly feelings are felt around the genital area up to about the belly button. Orgasms can be very mild and transitory or very powerful almost mind blowing - and everything in between. All dependent on the mood you're in at the time. They will never be the same every time, they vary.The more you think about whether you are going to orgasm or not, the more elusive it will become. The watched pot never boils.You are probably getting anxious over it each time before you make love - even if you don't think you are. Believe me it's happening at some level. It also sounds like your whole focus is only on orgasming and not on the experience as a whole.The orgasm is the destination, not the journey. Making love is a fun activity and every sensation should be savoured along the way, from beginning to end. You are probably thinking ahead all the time to the end result. What happens then is, you miss all what happens in between.Orgasm isn't an instant thing - like flicking a light switch. No, for females it is a gradual process starting with very subtle feelings and gradually building to more intense feelings towards the end. It's clear to me that your mind is getting in the way. When it does, and you start thinking ahead to whether you are going to orgasm or not, you short-circuit all your feelings. Those thoughts are simply distracting you from feeling all those sensations. In other words, your mind is not concentrating on the actual pleasure. If you want to think about anything, think about every little sensation as it happens, and really enjoy it and just relax into it.I suggest that from now on, you simply focus on all the physical sensations you feel in your body - as tiny as they are. Forget all about whether you are going to orgasm or not. When you allow yourself to "feel" those delicious feelings every single second, it will probably just naturally happen the way it should, without any pressure by you.Just decide to have fun from now on, and if you orgasm good, and if not - no big deal. Besides not all women orgasm every single time they have sex. It does also depend on how much in the mood you are in the first place. Moods do fluctuate throughout the menstrual cycle. In the middle of your cycle, you are likely to feel much more in the mood (around ovulation). If you are tired, had a fight with your boyfriend, bad day at work, something on your mind, or are unwell, you probably won't have much of an appetite for sex.Libido does have a lot to do with it. Maybe your libidos (sex drive), are not the same. Your boyfriend might want sex more than you do. He might be in the mood at one time and you are not so much, but you go along and do it anyway. That's something also to keep in mind. Just because you are together as a couple does not mean your sex drives are automatically the same. You're two different individuals.Don't let it go on for too long in any lovemaking session, that he is trying and trying to get you to orgasm. When that happens, you are both making work of it. It won't happen when you do that. Just let it go, otherwise you will spoil it and get all anxious and maybe blame him for it. Then you might start to get angry and argue over it. It's not worth arguing over. Ultimately, making a big deal over it not happening is a waste of time. Orgasm is a thing that can't be forced just because you want it to happen. The more you focus on it (like I said earlier), the much less likely it is to happen at all.The journey of the foreplay is the really important part. It goes on for much longer than the orgasm anyway. Just try different techniques, experiment with each other. Don't only stimulate the genitals, there are many other sensitive areas of the body, the nipples, sides of your neck that have very nice sensations when stimulated. Also, try to vary what you do - different locations, different times of the day, different positions. Variety is the spice of life. Don't make each lovemaking session just about orgasm. That spoils the whole adventure - and it truly is an adventure, and a wonderful one at that.Make it fun from now on and really enjoy all the tiny parts of it all.Good luck. Best wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo I have never orgasmed before. He has spent alot of time tryin to stimulate me and trying to make it happen but it doesnt.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2010): Can or have you ever orgasmed?
Try not drinking a glass of water before sex.
He needs to spend some time down below getting you going.
Don't expect intercourse alone to get you to orgasm. You need to be orgasming before he penetrates you and then you will have multiple orgasm during intercourse.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (25 August 2010):
Hi there. The feeling of wanting to urinate, is probably the onset of an orgasm, but then maybe the stimulation by him stops before you reach full orgasm.
My guess is that is what has happened. Once he has had his orgasm, he might forget to continue stimulating you so you are left in limbo.
Stimulation needs to be steady to allow the subtle feelings to develop into more intense feelings and then into full-blown orgasm. It does take time however. For women it can take up to 20 minutes or more, depending on the mood you're in at the time. For men, orgasm can take as little as 30 seconds to maybe 3 to 5 minutes at the minimum. So that's a big difference.
Perhaps in future if you can get him to stimulate you for longer before having his orgasm, to give you a chance to get there. That way, you will both be fully satisfied. It will also help your relationship generally, as you will both be more relaxed.
But please don't worry or get anxious about it. If you do, you will be stopping your responses by thinking ahead and wondering if you are going to have one or not. By doing that, you will miss all the subtle feelings that are a part of the whole process. Just take your time, don't rush it all - and most of all enjoy every second. And have fun.
Hope this helps you. Take care and best wishes.
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