A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Help. I'm not sure what this means. I've been with this guy for a while. Actually we have a very interesting history, we've known each other and have been great friends for many years. We've dated in the past. I love him very much and he has expressed his love for me too. The love is what brought us back together. We talk about our future and at times I feel secure in the relationship. But sometimes I don't. He says he wants this fairy tale life and future with me, but then there are times when he exludes me from his life. Not calling for almost a week, sometimes not returning my phone calls. It's very hurtful because I thought we left all the crap in the past and now it's happening again. How can I plan to spend my life with someone who can do this to me. I wish i could talk to him about it, but I don't know what to really say about it without sounding needy. I feel like I'm already needy when I call and call and my calls aren't returned until days later. I wish this didn't bother me, but it does, because I love him so much and have invested so much. I'm afraid to take this further. If it's like this now, how could he want to spend the rest of his life with me. Pulling these disappearing acts makes me feel devalued. Why is this happening? If he has to disappear on me like this, could it mean that maybe he's not in love with me like he says? Could I be the girl he's just not that in to? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2008): Yes this is an easy one to solve. Ask him to marry you.
Yes means yes.
No and any other answer means No.
Then follow what ever direction the wind blows.
Good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLOL. Sometimes I do return the favor and he doesn't like it much. He doesn't get too bothered by it tho. At least not enough to change. prob cause he knows what I'm trying to do. Only reason why I think he's ready to settle down is because he said so. If he's keeping me around as his "long term plan" that would be more than disappointing and really hope that this is not so. Maybe I have painfully realize that I'm not enough of priority to compete with the "more important things" he has to do. Any ideas how to address my concerns with him?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2008): Return the compliment see how he likes it. This generally works with people who are rude.Good luck
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (26 September 2008):
Well, I have asked a man and he says that if he's ignoring you for a week at a time then he must feel he has more important things to do than phoning you.
It could be that he does want the whole future thing with you but not right now. As you say, this has been going on for years. What makes you think that he wants to settle down and get married at this point?
He's probably just keeping you there as his long term plan and having fun in the mean time. If you want to hang around and wait for him then it's your choice.
I'd tell him to either get it together or you are out.
Good Luck!! xx
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