A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I just recently broke up with my girlfriend of almost three years on my 21st birthday. I did it for a number of reasons. Even though we love each other immensely, we had a few issues. I broke up with her because I felt like I needed a little bit of space to get my life together. I'm 21, unemployed, broke, and I don't have anything really going for myself. I wasn't happy and I didn't want to subject her to a bad relationship because of my mentality. I didn't want her to think that she made me unhappy when all my insecurities and wellbeing were being governed by demons in my head. I found that because I wasn't happy and had nothing else, all I was doing was focusing on the relationship and not focusing on myself. My girlfriend reacted oddly to my news and assumed I didn't love her. She told me she saw it coming and seemed indifferent, but cried and was angry afterward. I also felt like lately she's just been on a whole other planet. We see each other twice a week because of distance and time (jobs, family, friends) and so we made up for the time by communicating via text, phone, IM, and email. But since returning from a six week trip, I feel like she's been distant. She said she wanted to go slow when we got back and we didn't have sex for a month upon returning. And every time I visited her at her house she would be texting and laughing, leaving me alone more often than not with her family, she'd force affection and if she didn't there was none at all. It was just weird being in her presence. I noticed one day that she had a white stain on her bra that she was trying to scrub out. She wore that same bra when she came to my house for my birthday and it still had the stain on it even after she washed it. That bra never had that stain in the past. Also, while in bed, she became critical when she never was. The biggest incident was when I was fingering her. I always use my right hand and right in the middle she looked at me while moaning and asked me to switch hands. I told her that I never use my left hand and she reassured me that I do all the time and that she liked it better. That was extremely weird and unheard of. That was the last intimate thing we did before I broke up with her. I just don't understand what's going on with her. She barely talks to me and instead talks about this one coworker more. He lives 10 minutes from her house and they work in the basement alone sometimes.I felt like I had to break up with her for those reasons. I wasn't happy with where I was in life and I don't think I was happy with what I believed to be a dishonest relationship. She claims to still love me and she said she felt like I was the one she was supposed to be with but saying something and feeling it are two different things. I don't think she felt the same way anymore and was scared to pull the trigger herself. Right now, I'm just a bit lost. I'm still feverishly looking for work, working on getting my drivers license, and I'm about to start school this spring. I love this girl so much and I want her back but I don't want her back if it's gonna feel the same as it did when I broke up with her. I feel like we need to connect but last time I tried to connect with her she thought I was being obsessive, clingy, and needy. I'm ready to move on if she doesn't want to get back together but it does hurt a bit. I haven't talked to her in a week. Thoughts? What happens next?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 October 2010):
 Of course it is going to hurt three years is a long time but i advise staying away from her for now and to keep no contact if you are both meant to be then there is plenty of time in the future, right now you need to concentrate on yourself and you need to do this by cutting all contact with your ex for starters. So just tell her that you need to sort out your head and you would appreciate if she didnt contact you for now until you sort things out.
First off you need to be happy on your own before you can be happy in a relationship and you need to get over your demons first. You need to think back until the last time you were truely happy and ask yourself what has changed since then.
Dont give up with looking for work, this economy is quite difficult to find work in at the moment but dont lose heart keep trying every day just keep trying and trying.
Its good that you are starting back at school as this will give you something to do each day and give you meaning to your life and keep working on your driving licience you will eventually get it.
But you need to make time for yourself and do things that make you feel good. Go out with your friends and have fun, take up new hobbies to meet new friends.
If you still feel that the deamons are there and they are making you insecure and clingy towards people then you need to get to the bottom of them and the only way you will be able to do this is to talk to a professional its there job to get to the bottom of the problem and help fix it.
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