A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I’m feeling really lonely and fed up since splitting from my boyfriend 6 weeks ago. We were together for 8 years.Basically I split from him because I know he will never commit to me and I got tired of waiting. In the end I felt like i’d fallen out of love with him. I know that I have made the right decision however I can’t stop feeling sad and depressed and I don’t know why. I keep checking my phone incase he has gotten intouch and he hasn’t. The thought that he is obviously finding it so easy to cope just makes me even more despressed.I don’t know how to move on and take my mind off of him.
View related questions:
broke up, depressed, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2019): The male who said that marriage is the biggest commitment a man will ever make and that the divorce courts are not good to men is missing the point entirely Marriage is ALSO the biggest commitment a woman will ever make and unfortunately you were willing to give him that whilst he was not willing to give you that EXACT same commitment In terms of divorce courts being hard on men , let me tell you that as a woman who’s been through divorce courts , nothing is harder than coming out with 50 percent of the assets and three mouths to feed whilst he comes out with 50 percent of the assets and one mouth to feed He also had the ability and time to earn a lot more than me as he had not sacrificed years of career progress to raise OUR children , therefore he is in a much better financial and earning position than I will likely ever be again despite the fact I’m better educated than him Do there he is spending all his cash on his gf on the weekends whilst I’m here raising our kids best I can and working when I can . I guess divorce courts are hard on men huh I definately understand why you left and you need to think about the position you could have ended up in if you had of stayed with a guy and he had married you without truly being committed . You dodged a bullet and you should be proud that you can now carve out a better future
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 January 2019):
 It takes more than 6 weeks to get over someone, usually. It helps to remember you dont grieve the loss of him, actually, you are grieving the loss of the dream that he would commit.
Give it 3-4 months. You will feel much better then. And get a haircut. That usually does the trick for me.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (18 January 2019):
 I know its hard, no break up is ever easy. You need to stop checking your phone and feeling disappointed that he has not contacted you.
I would advise blocking him and move on with your life. I know it does not feel like it now but things will get better, time is the healer of all things. In time you will meet someone who give you all the love that you so rightly deserve, and you will look back on this and wonder why you spent some much time thinking about him.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 January 2019):
 I agree, you are not going to instantaneously feel OK with the break up, you two were together for a long time.
It will take time.
However, it will take a LOT longer if you keep checking up on him and checking to see if he has called or texted you. Because EVEN if he DOES call or text... it's not going to mean that the relationship isn't over.
If he in 8 years hasn't WANTED to commit, it's NOT going to happen now after you broke up. ACCEPT that and let him go. Set yourself free, so YOU can meet a guy who is a better fit and who WANTS to commit.
I would definitely block his number and delete ANY contact on social media as well.
You are holding on to two things here, hope he will change his mind and the familiarity of the man you spend the last 8 years with. You need to let BOTH go.
Take some time to mull over what happened. Who did it take you 8 years to decide that it was over? Most people know with in (I'd wager) 2-4 years if the person they are with is someone they can see themselves with long term. Why did you choose to stay so long?
Spend time with POSITIVE people, family and friend. Give you time to "grieve" the end of this relationship and then look to the future.
Getting to the gym is an excellent idea, like N91 mentioned. Not to lose weight or get super fit, but to give you something else to focus on. Plus working out will release endorphins, which also trigger a positive feeling in the body.
...............................
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (18 January 2019):
 It hurts. Even leaving an abusive partner can hurt. We put our hearts into something and it is painful if it doesn't last.
Have you messaged him? If not, then he could say the same about you "finding it easy to cope". Don't contact him, though.
After a year, people in our lives become habit. Now you have to break that habit. Busy yourself with other things, as N91 suggests :)
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2019): it's normal to feel bad after a break up, even if you're the one that brought it about.
He was with you for 8 years, is that not commitment?
Some women are so focused on marriage that they ignore all other signs of commitment. marriage is the single biggest legal decision a man will ever make. Divorce courts are not good to men. Not being ready to get married doesn't mean anything about you and what he felt for you.
If you miss him and still want to be with him, just think about if 8 years is commitment or not.
...............................
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (18 January 2019):
 Stop checking your phone! Block him. You weren’t meant to be and that’s that. You know you weren’t a match but it still hurts to break up, you’re human, don’t beat yourself up over it.
You spent a large period of your life with someone so it would be odd not to feel any emotion here. Just keep reminding yourself that he wasn’t meant for you and the right man is out there somewhere. Just concentrate on yourself for a while, keep busy, hit the gym, work extra shifts, spend time with friends and family. The world won’t stop if you feel sad so there’s no point moping around feeling sorry for yourself, get your chin up!
...............................
|
