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female
,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and i have been together for almost a year, this is my first relationship ive ever been in and im so confused. He is 22 and has been going behind my back talking to a girl that he works with. He knew it bothered me and told me he would stop talking to her outside of work. just recently i found out that he still goes over to her house to smoke a quick cigarette with her. I also found messages to her calling her beautiful. He tells me that he doesnt have any feelings for her and that he loves me and that he will stop talking to her. I broke up with him but he wants me back and i cant decide what i want. theres a part of me that still loves him, but i feel I cant trust him. He called her in front of me and told her that they cannot talk anymore. Can i believe him? Im scared of getting hurt again.
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female
reader, immuno +, writes (4 August 2006):
 I was in a similar situation before. The girl kept showing up where my husband hung out. She would talk to him and ignore me. When she got a job at his favorite hang out and started offering to be his designated driver after hours I freaked out. I don’t think anything happened between the two of them but its really hard to ignore these situations. He assured me that she was just a friend and eventually she faded out of our lives. I think it was her that I did not trust more so than him as she was the one doing the chasing.
It seems that your boyfriend tried to put a stop to it but maybe the girl is somehow wheedling her way back in. Anyway, just explain to him that he cant keep putting himself into situations that seem shady and then expect you not to feel a little paranoid about them, you will never begin building trust in this environment. Also, I know it's difficult, sometimes by snooping we find things that sound suspicious just because we are already feeling paranoid. Try not to check his messages anymore if you do decide to take him back. You are really going to have to forget and go on a complete start over and assume that he is going to stick to his word. It sounds like he realized what he was losing and if he respects your feelings then he shouldn’t be accompanying her anywhere out of the work area if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Good luck! :)
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