A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was just wondering if anyone can give me some advise on this please.. I've recently ended my relationship with my boyfriend. So we were together for two years, there were good and bad points like there are with any relationship, but I felt the bad points took over the good. He was ten years older than me, and had had several girlfriends, and one night stands before me, but he was my first ever boyfriend. His constant opening of the mouth before thinking just caused me to grow emotionaly apart from him, and out of love with him, and now he won't leave me alone to move on and I don't know what to do. He said so many things to me that I felt he should of kept to himself, but because he didn't, I ended up feeling lousy about myself. Here's some examples of the things he's said and done that's caused me to feel this way...At the start of our relationship, I noticed he talked a lot of his ex's, he'd just bring them up randomly out of the blue, sometimes when we were just cuddling up together, and I didn't like him doing this but with being my first relationship I didn't really know what was the norm so to say, so I didn't take much notice of it. But later on he started talking of them more and more, and he'd continuously say things that would make me uncomfortable; on one occassion, he said to me "My last ex had massive boobs, but that doesn't matter, you have a nice stomach." That hurt me because the way he said it sounded as if he wasn't as fond of my boobs, as daft as it sounds. Before I met him, I was always confident about my body, but he said so many things over a period of time that I felt low in myself after a while. He'd make jokes about how small my boobs were, and one time after mentioning my boobs, he told me he used his imagination during sex. I found it hard to feel sexy around him when he time after time made jokes about my breasts before and after sex.He told me on numerous occassions how attractive all of his ex's were, and one time, we were out shopping, and whilst in a shop, he started talking to the woman at the counter. He was laughing and chatting away, as if remenissing, so I figured they were old friends or something. Then they exchanged numbers and arranged to meet up for a drink. When we got out of the shop, I tried not to be noisy about it, and asked who the woman was. And he told me she was one of his past one night stands! I was furious, he arranged to meet up with this woman right in front of me like it was okay.He used to tell me how his ex's had better music taste than me, and he'd tell me how he preferred blondes and that his last ex was blonde, and he preferred tanned skin and his last ex was tanned.. and after all the comments he continously made, I just felt like he wasn't completely over them, and that he was comparing my to them. And no matter how many times I asked him to keep his thoughts about his ex's to himself, he never did. One time, I don't know how we were on the subject of it, he told me he thought about his ex's whilst masterbating. At this point I was falling out of love with him because I was constantly reminded of his past relationships and it just didn't feel right anymore.He looked at a lot of nude women on the internet, some days he'd be hours late picking me up because he'd be looking at porn and pictures of naked celebrities, which I thought was quite sad. But I let that go in the end, but the frequant talk of his ex girlfriends just ended up getting to me.Aswell as all the ex talk and the comments he should of kept to himself, he was selfish, and didn't enter my life like I did his. It was always about his friends and his family, his music and his interests. He refused to come to my house, and he didn't ever want to meet my friends. He mocked my taste in films and music, and in the end, I felt that we just weren't right for one another. I broke up with him, and tried to keep it nice, hoping we could just stay friends. But he won't leave me alone at all. I'm trying to move on, and he keeps texting me and making me feel terrible. After a few months of braking up, he seemed calm and okay so we arranged to meet up just as friends, and he practicaly told me, without saying it, that he might take his life if I can't work things out with him, and how he couldn't do it anymore he said he needed me. I've been worried sick about him and I don't know what I'm to do anymore. He acts like I've been really out of order and selfish by leaving him, and I feel like I need reassurance that I'm not being selfish here! I'm not in love with him the way I once was and he won't accept it, and he won't accept that he's contributed to this. Has anyone else been in this situation before? Would anyone put up with these kind of things in a relationship, or do you think that would put you off someone to? If anyone has an opinion on this or some advice for me, it would be greatly appreciated, thank you.
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boobs, breasts, broke up, ex girlfriend, exchanged numbers, his ex, move on, one night stand, period, porn, text, the internet Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010): Gurl! All of these ladies are absolutely right! You are right! Something tells me your quite attractive in your own way and that's what he saw.. shallow guys can't keep up good conversation because they are shallow.. they say what they think and its lame, uninteresting, shallow, ignorant, and all around bad conversation.. these guys can't keep up the act of being interesting, loyal, caring, loving, or even dependable.. ask yourself, if these girls were so great, why are they not around? Its likely he did the same thing to several other woman and they realized they were BETTER than that. Just like you! He won't off himself, that tactic has worked for him in the past, so he keeps using it..if you were still will him, he'd be one hand away from beating on you, and, oh yes, cheating on you.. feel empowered in the realization of who you are..you are woman and no man can change the awsomeness of that ;) who's with me?
A
female
reader, Oregongrl1  +, writes (26 July 2010):
They always apoligize when they know they are losing you!
and when they get you back it starts all over again.
please if any thing give yourself some time to realize how you felt in it and now how you feel out of it. you will see? its totally awesome to have your freedom back!!
Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your responses so far, it's made me feel a lot better knowing that I'm not over reacting or being selfish about this. He has appologised for things he's done and said to hurt me, and I can forgive him for that, but I can't easily forget the damage is allready done. I'll take everyones advice here and try and distant myself away from him and move on, I think that's all I can do in this situation. Thank you guys :]
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (25 July 2010):
 You were right to break up with this guy! I know it took alot of strength to walk away, but you did the right thing! This guy was horrible to you! Now move on, and don't look back. You made the right decision. Change your phone number, close your email account and open a new one, notify only the people you want to have your new email address and ignore this guy. If you stay with him, he will continue to demolish your self esteem and you will end up trapped in a dead end relationship where you are neither loved, nor respected.
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (25 July 2010):
 His behavior is abusive. He constantly compared you to other women, mocked and criticized you. Now he's manipulating you emotionally by threatening suicide. Don't fall for it, and don't try to maintain ANY kind of relationship with this man. He has wasted enough of your time with his cruelty and mind tricks. You don't owe him a damn thing.
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (25 July 2010):
Oh what a jerk and hes how old? honey, you are the smart one you got the hell out! please read this and really understand what i say in this! he for one is very abusive and that is how he gained control over you? abusers will say a nagative first then they will add a positive right after it like this! (you gained weight honey, but you still look good to me) and it bestills in your mind that you are not good enough for anyone else. and that is what they want you to think! and you start slowly tearing yourself down but not with out the help from him. you know what they are? they are men who are so insecure that they feed off of woman but in order to keep their women around they have got to beat them down and be little them to the point they have won! and it's gets worse it's like step 1 step 2 & step 3 iam telling you its not love you will understand when you have been out of it for awhile but you wont ever realize it if you dont leave. it will make you sick to your stomach thinking he touched you took your mind from you and your life! and you allowed it. please i was there for 13 yrs i know i try to help other woman now because it is the hardest thing to get out of and the only way to do it is to leave and never look back and never for any reason meet up w/ him they are sick and losing you see you beat them and its hard for them to except it so make your escape do not do it w/ him there call a freind or the police they will escort you out please be careful and know there is a better life for you and that the next woman in his life! will go through the same thing you did. and thats why also they bring up there ex's to you because if his ex's try to warn you about what he is you will just think they are jealous because see he already brougt it to your attention! they will make you jealous of them by saying things like he said to you comments about their bodies and it makes you hate them honey, real men don't do that (trust me) please pay attention!! move on......
Best Wishes!!
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (25 July 2010):
 He is a LOSER! Don't feel worried about him he's not your responsibility anymore. He needs to grow up and man up. Block his number from your phone and cut all contact from him. If you allow him to be in your life he will continue to make you miserable because he has stalker mentality.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): It sounds to me like you made the right choice in breaking up with him. He constantly said degrading things to you, compared you to his ex girlfriends and wasn't afraid to be forward and flirty with one of his old one-night stands, whom he planned on seeing again while dating you!
He's trying to play to your naievete (as he was your first boyfriend) by getting you to take him back, which is a rather manipulative thing to do. Ignore him. If he texts you, don't respond. Don't pick up the phone when he calls.
He doesn't deserve someone like you. You were so patient with him even though he did and said many things that rubbed you the wrong way; you cared about him.
Let this be a lesson: the minute a man does or says anything that raises red flags in your mind, get out. The right guy won't do that.
Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 July 2010):
 People are always vulnerable in their first relationships since they are open to anything, ready to love anybody and can't tell right or wrong when they are so engrossed in a love relationship. I had been in this situation before. What I did was I moved with my baby back to my country. You are not being selfish but you do indeed need to be selfish, meaning think for yourself. This past relationship had been about him only. Let him take his life. Alert his family members about this. Also tell your family about this so they can protect you if he threatens to harm you.
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A
female
reader, girlygirl601 +, writes (25 July 2010):
Yes, I had a relationship like that. He didn't compare me to other women, but he was a lot older. He often talked about how pretty and successful his ex girlfriends were but I later found out that it wasn't exactly true.
When you date someone that is a lot older than you, you have two people that are at very different stages in their lives. I ended the relationship because I got tired of the belittling.
If you really are through with the relationship, just be honest with him. Politely, yet strongly. If he had all these pretty women in the past then he wouldn't be stressing because you ended the relationship.
Respect is important and a relationship can't last without it. So, sit down and really think about what it is that you want and if its not him, you are doing the right thing.
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