A
female
age
30-35,
*ikaela911
writes:Hi. so I broke up with my boyfriend of two years a little less than a month ago. when we were dating he was at college so we only saw eachother on the weekends. But as time went on I started to feel less motivated to see him. I would look for excuses for him not to see me for one weekend so I would miss him. I never did.He cheated on me once in July of 2006 and another time this past october. I've been really unhappy with him ever since. But I got over him cheating on me in october and i wasn't happy and I had no idea why. I never wanted to see him because we had nothing to talk about, I have a lot of issues with my mom, shes been in rehab for the past 6 months and he doesn't listen to me when I talk about how upset I am about it. He never asked me how I am or anything. He just talked abotu himself, if he even talked. Whenever I wanted to hang out with my friends he wouldnt let me or go with me and not talk to them. I also was tempted to cheat on him which made me realize maybe this guy isn't the one for me.. I broke up with him the next day . Now he is extremely heart broken. He has no social life whatsoever because when we dated we only saw eachother. He has friends, but none of them ever call him back. He always feels the need to tell me this. I feel so #### bad for him you guys have no idea. Everytime i've run into him since it's summer it happens a lot, he's alone and looks miserable or he's crying. I saw him ten minutes ago to just talk and he was bawling. I have no idea what to do. I don't want to be with him but at the same time seeing him like this makes me regret hurting him... please tell me this is normal and he'll be okay. I know exactly how he feels and that is the worst part because I was damn near suicide when he did this to me :(.... and I really miss him but I hope thats because I don't have him.. I hope! Because I like being single but he's always in the back of my mind, he was my first love and I still love him deeply. I don't know if I did the right thing.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2008): You did the right thing.
Even if he seems completely lost without you, it is for the best that the relationship ends.
Every relationship needs an equal balance of giving and taking and it seems he has been doing all the taking.
Try to avoid running into him and try to stop thinking about him. Keep busy!
Don't feel sorry for him- he seems to only care about himself and now is feeling sorry for himself.
Without the baggage that he had placed on you, you are free to move on and up in the world. :)
Good Luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2008): Okay. First of all, I do not think you should take him back and have a pity relationship. That's unfair for both of you.
I know how it feels to be heartbroken too :( and it just takes time. It's been less than a month, so yes, it is normal for him to be upset and depressed from this break-up especially if you were both in love and went out for more than two years!!! It takes more than a month to get over somebody that you've been with for that long. I've read somewhere that it should take about half the time you were in a relationship to be completely and utterly over a past relationship.
It might not just be you he is missing, since you say he hasn't had much of a social life, but life itself. If he would get a hobby and focus on himself (school, work, hobbies, friends, women), then his mind would have less time for you and he'll get over it faster. If he has cheated on you before, then maybe he'll find another soon. But, for now I think you should just focus on yourself.
Don't take out his sadness on yourself. He'll get over it.
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