A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 16, almost 17. I live several hours away from my now ex-boyfriend. We met each other through a friend who had moved down from her old town to where I live. We made friends and chatted over the phone every night, and after a few months he took a 3 hour train journey down to see me. However cheesy it may sound, it was love at first sight. We continued to visit each other every two/three weeks for weekends between school and sometimes in the school holidays spending a week or two together. In the summer his parents even took me on holiday to Spain with them and it was the best time ever.After a year of us being together I started to lose that feeling I had always felt for him. I wasn't so excited when he called me anymore, and I always seemed to have a negative attitude with him on the phone. I didn't understand why I was being like that with him, I've never wanted to feel like that. He never did anything to make me feel like this. He never changed and it was completely my own doing that made me feel this way.At christmas time we broke up, I told him that I wasn't into the relationship enough anymore and he was devastated. I cried over it for days, I felt like the world was coming to an end. We spoke again and agree'd that we'd give it some time, talking once or twice a week rather than every night. Cooling it off a little, this worked for a few weeks and then I was pretty sure that things were going to be okay. Shortly after we got back together. Once we were back together we made the plans for when we would next see each other. This would be the next school holiday and I was going to go up to see him for a week. Everything was booked and we were really excited. After about two weeks I started to feel the same as before, being negative on the phone, not feeling 100% into things when we talked. After spending some time thinking about everything I broke up with him again. I decided this would be it now, I couldn't keep going back to him, it's not fair on him and I'd kept messing him about. It's been three weeks now, we ended on a fairly good note but we hadn't spoken since then. He needed time to get over it so I told him to call me when he felt better about things. This week would of been the week I would of been at his house if we hadn't of broken up. I've spent the whole time so far thinking about it and crying endlessly. I decided to call him, just as a friend to see how he is getting on. He seems okay, he's accepted that it's over and however hard it may seem, he's trying to move on with life. He's been out with his mates and he was on his way to a house party when I called him.After the phone conversation I cried and cried and cried. I feel like such an idiot for getting rid of the best thing I ever had in my life. My parents loved him and I've even heard them saying that it would be difficult to find another guy like him. He's brave, yet sensitive. He could talk about his feelings and was never embaressed or ashamed to tell people exactly how much he loved me. I really struck gold with him.Sometimes you have to step back from something to really appreciate what you had. And these past few weeks have made me realise this. I had a perfect man. I don't care that I'm only 16, and I may seem "young and naive" but I know in my heart it was love. Right now I really don't know what to do. Because I feel this heartbroken now but even if we got back together, what's to say I won't begin to feel so negative again? It's not even fair of me to call him up and try and get him back, I'll only be messing him around again. My friends tell me I should just try and move on, and that I'll get over him in time. They are probably true, but it feels like I'll never get over him and I don't even think I WANT to get over him.All this hurts a hell of a lot more knowing that, because of the distance, I may never even see him again. That hurts most of all. I don't think I am ever going to be able to forgive myself for making such a stupid decision.Any suggestions? They'd be very much appreciated, hehh.XXXX
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2009): Hi.
From what I feel from your message, you seem to love him.If you think that as well, try to come back with him. He may not want too, since you broke up twice. Just explain him.
It is normal to have different feelings when you are into a relationship. It will never be exactly the same way as it was at the beginning. Sometimes you may want to be alone, it doesn't mean you don't love him. As long as you are both happy, everything is ok.
You are alone now. Afford yourself a week or two to think about it more deeply. If you still think that you made a mistake, call him back. Just don't play with him, but consider that you can make mistakes, and that you will make mistakes. Don't just stick with your decisions no matter what. Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2009): I know that moving on is what's best, but then at the same time I know that if I tried hard enough I could get him back. So do I try and move on with life but always wonder what could of been? Or do I try and get him back, which is messing him about TOO much but potentially be the best desicion I ever make?
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A
male
reader, jam jar +, writes (19 February 2009):
 of course you dont want to get over him. ur not supposed to want that but moving on is the best thing to do
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