A
female
age
30-35,
*b89
writes:My boyfriend of four years(long distance for about 2 years, he lives in england) have just broke up because i have decided to end it after her verbally attacked me over a ridiculous reason. Here it goes...so my boyfriend is 25, lives alone pays his own bills etc..and i am 20 living at home, working and going to school. About two nights ago he flipped out because i told him that i was buying a pair of boots i already have in a different color because my other ones are run down. I was supposed to be visiting him in December and he told me that if i was going to spend money on silly things like that that he would resent buying me things while i was there in england. He then proceeded to tell me if i lived with him and i was spending money like that he would kick me out in the gutter and let me learn how to save my own money. I then said to him out of anger "Well ill have a boyfriend who can support me" after I said that he called me a "******* stuck up *****" and hung up...is that a sure sign of abuse? We always fight, and we didnt break up because of "shoes", i just have had enough of the bickering. Did i do the right thing?
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female
reader, nb89 +, writes (1 November 2009):
nb89 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe real reason behind this is he wanted me to buy black knee high boots because he thinks theyre sexy, and i told him a while back id get them if i found a nice pair, i found a pair but they were super uncomfortable so i returned him, and he was mad...which made me realize riding boots are more comfortable so id buy them, which is why i said id buy riding boots again.
A
male
reader, tux +, writes (1 November 2009):
 I'm going to have to disagree with Minnie... both parties did used abusive language... which does not necessarily mean they are abusers in the long run. A lot of things can be said in arguments.. But I will say that using manipulative statements and ultimatums in anger is as abusive as calling someone a *insert word here* especially saying "They will find someone who will support them." It's manipulative and abusive and serves no purpose other than to hurt the other party.
But I do think she did the right thing by breaking it off, because if a relationship is also in bickering stances, I don't think it's a good relationship..
But I am still curious to what the meaning of "flipping out" means... it could mean that he was flabbergasted and was just saying that she shouldn't be spending her money like that.. or if he started yelling and was yelling at her about it.. but all the is moot and it sounds like there is more going wrong than just a boot purchase.
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A
female
reader, MinnieM  +, writes (31 October 2009):
Yes............he used abusive language, you didn't, if he's going to lose his composure in such a negative way over something as trivial as shoes then how would he react if you disagreed over something a lot more important? You made the right decision, it's your money you can spend it on whatever you please!
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A
male
reader, tux +, writes (31 October 2009):
I wouldn't call that a sure sign of abuse. Screaming arguments are not abuse especially considering you atogonized it by saying that you would find a new boyfriend that would support you.. And this whole argument started over boots? I would believe he has a point that you shouldn't be going out and buying a pair of boots, just because you do not have them in a particular color.. it is better to save and spend it on something you really need.. unless you have that kind of money to burn, but seeing you live at home and goto school, I have doubts that you do.
but in the end, you were mentally abusing him as much as he was you.. unless there is more to this story than what you just wrote.
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A
female
reader, meganw3221 +, writes (31 October 2009):
 I don't really think it is a sign of abuse. I do find it kind of strange for him to get upset over a pair of shoes, especially if you had the extra money to spend. Nonetheless, his reaction maybe underlying a bigger issue here. Do you have a problem with spending money? I mean making the statement about having a boyfriend to support you is kind of like saying that you expect him to support you in the long run. Aren't you going to college to have a career so you can support yourself and be self sufficiant? I think that he is probably worried about how your frivilous spending may impact your relationship in the future. From my experience, most guys apppreciate a women who knows how to handle their financial responsibilities. I would definitely talk to him and see if there is more to it....who knows he could be controlling.
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