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female
age
41-50,
*LO22
writes: What do you think about this??????OK here goes! THIS MIGHT BE A LONG ONE!!!!I need help trying to figure out what I should do?? I broke it off with my EX eight months ago after dating off and on for 4 years. I love him so much he even went to jail (1 year) and I was their for him before, during, and after jail....... When he got out he treated me as if I was his personal ATM. I finally got tired of it a year and half into the relationsip after he got out of jail and called it quits.I did not mind helping him because before he went to jail he would jump a bridge for me and did the same thing I did for him. I notice the more I help him the less he would help his self. But what really made me throw in the towel. In his cell phone I saw that he had another girl saved as "My Wifey" and one other time before I saw that he text messaged his EX and said that he "Love Her".... Which by the way she called me and told me she want nothing else to do with him because she has moved on to better....... (INTERESTING) That further made up my mind to leave! Of course I confronted him about it he try to sweet talk me and I was not having it. He even told me once when he get his act together and his life back before the jail incident. "I would be the one he settle down with and marry!!" I am not no fool that listen to guys BS and that comment lead me thinking he was cheating and not true to me.So I decided to get away from him...... But I think about him consistley and I love him so much. I am not sure if he love me the way I do. ONE THING..... The guy I moved on with his my ex's friend..... Well it's my EX's-cousins' bestfriend. My EX and current BF dont speak unless they go to band practice. It's safe to say they know of each other but are not close. I AM NOT NO HOE OR ANYTHING!!!!!! LETS MAKE THAT CLEAR.My BF now does not make me feel the way my EX's did, he never have time for me, make plans and breaks them. I live in DC and my BF lives in FL. When I go home I expect to see him and go out!!!When my EX found out that my current BF and I was dating he was so upset and was talking craziness out the side of his neck. I never knew how he really really really felt about me until he called me in a ranged when got word that my current BF and I were dating. I miss him so much, I see that he made some progress in the past eight months (got a JOB, his own place, and a new SUV)So anyway I called my EX up and I told him I want to tell him something but I need to tell him face-to-face. I will be in town for Christmas!! He said he will picki me up from the airport. I guess go grab a bite to eat and chill. I just want HIM BACK. I want to apologize how I carried the situation and just work on our friendship again if nothing else. What do you think I should do? Do you think he will take me back?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2006): What makes you think that the fact that your ex has got a job, a place to live and an SUV will make him treat you any better than he did while you were dating? Just because he is doing better and has made some progress, it does not necessarily follow that he will show you more consideration, you know!
Also, that he got enraged and was talking crazy when he found out that you are seeing someone else does not mean he really loves you. It means he is jealous and regards you as something of a "possession."
Look, think about it: wouldn't you expect him to be HAPPY for you if he thought you met another man who is good to you? Don't you think that if your ex REALLY loved you he'd want what is best for you - even if it did not include him?
As it is he has a bad track record: regarded you as his "personal ATM" when he got out of jail; has women stored on his cell phone who he's sending "I love you" text messages to, and another he calls his wifey - and his ex told you she wanted nothing more to do with him -sensible lady, that!
You should listen to your own instincts about his BS and general untrustworthiness.
As for your current BF, why are you seeing HIM if he never has time for you, makes plans to meet and then breaks them? What a winner! (not).
And why do you feel you have to tell us you are no 'ho? Nothing you have written would make me think it!
Only thing I would tell you is to give some thought to the kind of men you are dating. You certainly deserve a man who will treat you with respect, kindness and courtesy and be honest in his dealings with you! But its up to YOU to let men you go out with know that that's what you expect!
I don't mean you should TELL them that in so many words; no, but by your attitude. If a date makes plans to see you and then breaks it, well, perhaps if he was suddenly taken ill, or in a car accident or family crisis, that's a legitimate reason to cancel. So is having to work late on an absolute deadline - (though in that case, he should have known already that he had a deadline to meet, and not made a date until it was done with). The test would be if he reschedules and then KEEPS his appointment with you - and whether or not breaking a date is a one-off thing or a regular occurrence.
And of course, you know that any man who asks you for money, or pressures you for sex on the first, second or even third date is one to be very wary of. As is anyone who would lie to you, or pretend to be single when he's married. Any of these don't get a second date from you.
There's plenty of decent men out there, so use your judgment and look for them!
Finally, I know you miss him, but you have to consider that he might not be good for you, and where your own best interests lie.
Hope this helps!
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