A
male
age
30-35,
*sedcarparts
writes:I'm not going to explain the whole story, because it's long, but I broke up with my ex two weeks ago. We had been together for almost five years at the time we broke up. We've been through break ups before, but this is the first time I've broken up with her. If anyone wants the full story I have to do another post explaining it allIn a nutshell, she began talking to some other guy around March, and kept it behind my back, stating that there was nothing between them. But she began to talk to him a lot more, and me a lot less.She started having growing feelings for him, while my (now)ex and I were drifting apart. Two weeks ago she finally admitted to talking to him, and told me not to be jealous. But I got upset, argued with her and told her to not talk to me anymore. After that she began texting me, every day, saying she never kept anything behind my back, and that she's always been honest. After about a week she emailed me, asking me why I'm so mad, and that if I never want to talk to her it's fine, but as long as I let her know that, and asking that I acknowledge she did nothing wrong. I did reply, but not acknowledging anything, just gave her my opinion. That's when she finally responded explaining the whole story about how they've been talking for a while now and have been dating, although she claimed they started dating only since I dumped her. And that she only did date him because I dumped her. Since then I haven't said a thing but she continues to text me asking me if I'm going to write back. I told her I will but I'm busy and just need time to think on things and know what to say. She understood that but still began to ask questions. Just today she asked what I'm up to like if there's nothing wrong going on.Why might she still be messaging me for? Is she just trying to get a response or could she be missing me\regretting her mistake? I had the feeling she wanted to keep me on the back burner, keep me as a back up plan if things don't go well with the other guy cause she wanted me to be ok with it and she didn't want to lose me. Now before I go on I need to let you guys know she did this because she said that I need to make changes in my life and I know I do and some of my problems have been bugging her for a while so she doesn't think things can work out between me and her either way which is why she decided to go out with this guy and told me I need to make changes if we decide to be together. Also she lives on the west coast and I live in another state. She moved there about a year ago and she's moving back here this august for college. I even told her it's pointless if she's moving here and see someone else there and that I've waited so long. She could have at least waited until then, and see if I've made those changes and given me a chance at least.Right now I just don't know what to do. Since then I to began talking to another girl and although this other girl is nice and attractive it's just not the same, even if me and my ex have drifted apart and I feel as if I can move on still in my mind I want to be with her and I want to feel that happiness I felt for those 4 1\2 years. It's a difficult situation, I just need advice on what to do or say and why she might be texting me so much. Sorry for such a long read but I really needed to go into detail.
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female
reader, Bee Rose  +, writes (28 May 2011):
 Wow, she's amazingly eager I give her that, I think she is regretting what she did, other wise she wouldn't be pestering you so much, but at the end of the day if she 'loved' you so much why did she, after two weeks start dating another guy, though to be honest she may be on the rebound?
But 4 1/2 years is a long time, you can't expect yourself to get over someone after two weeks of breaking up, it's not natural.
You both need time to yourself, as you said you have changes to make on yourself, but please do me a favour, don't change who you are because she wants you to. Do it because you want to and make yourself happy.
And this other girl, as the saying goes 'Rome wasn't built in a day' as all things relationships take time, don't knock her out of the picture just yet keep talking to her, you never what's around the corner.
Hope I helped :))
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