A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my 17 year old girlfriend because i wasnt in love with her. I broke the news without any warning and probably with the silliest reason that i was committment phobic... she was devastated! I had no other way to end this and i was totally depressed cuz i care for her a lot! Most of you would say move on and dont look back... I agree that this is the best way out and i have already broken all contacts... but my conscience is filled with guilt... not because i love her, but because i cared for her and i wasn't fair enough... I tried my best to come out of it with consent from both sides... I encouraged, motivated and sorted it out with her for several hours, tried to cheer her up and promised to come back for friendship as soon as we are out of it... we went back and forth, struggled with it and even cried a lot... but i had to end it anyways... and I left! She was one of a kind I must say... a genuinely mature and understanding girl... she gave me love beyond my expectation and have always supported my in my ups and downs.. in simple words, she loved me crazily! It's so painful breaking her heart i miss her so much... we have been going on since 2 years and i miss all the wonderful moments with this amazing girl, surely I won't get anyone like her ever... I feel to just call her and cry on the phone! but it will only worsen the things and make it difficult for us to move on... I cant concentrate on my work and my heart is pouring! My conscience is cursing me for hurting her and I am helpless! I fear this might change her personality and belief in love !
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female
reader, Reeta  +, writes (5 May 2009):
I understand why you feel like calling her and letting her know that she's not suffering alone.. but you're right when you say that it would only make things worse.. it could even give her some hopes that you'll get back with her.
From my personal experience: I've tried breaking up with my boyfriend several times. All those times have been failed attempts because of staying in touch. I was just trying to help him and make him feel better but see.. it's not easy to keep in touch with somebody who loves you and who is suffering because of "your fault".
If you were honest about your breaking up reasons and if you did tell her how wonderful she is, then there's nothing else you can say to her.. the more you stay out of her life, the faster she will heal. Break ups are a very hurtful experience for both parties. But see it as a growing experience for you and for her. I've seen whole parades of friends breaking up, and they've all survived and becomed stronger.
So my advice is: don't try to talk to her unless she calls you. And if she does, try not to get over emotional and remember why you're breaking up. In some time you could even be good friends if you're completely over each other. The suffering is inevitable and it's something you two have to overcome on your own.
Stay strong! :)
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