A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Last wensday, my girlfriend and I broke up. I'm the one who ended it. I'm 18 years old going into college for computer scienceRight now she is begging me to come back, I really still do have feelings for her, but I can't go back because my parents just wouldn't accept that. They don't like her and would be very upset with me...... Anyways, the reason I broke up with her and why my parents wanted me too was because they said she did nothing for me and mentally abused me.Here are some examplesOn my birthday she did not even say happy b-day to me. I had to remind her. She also did not get me anything on my birthday, I mean all I really wanted was a card from my gf... she is my first. The next thing was my graduation which is this June. She told me she can't go to it. Has to go to a commencement practice. Though her commencement is scheduled on some of my buddies grad parties, she expected me to skip my friend's grad parties to go to her catholic commencement.O yes there is more.She love manipulating me. She expected me to be in bed by 10:30 even on the weekends because she worried I would get hurt if I was out any later. She got upset with me because after 7 me and her normally talk on the phone..... 2 hrs a night!!!! well last Tuesday my buddy wanted to go out to celebrated the last day of school. So I did and guess what? She got really upset with me for going out and not talking on the phone with her. She made my night miserable.Shes also a die hard catholic. She was upset with me for believing science over religion, also my best friend. She caused drama with my best friend every time she talked to him. She got hi m so upset with her, that he doesn't even want to be around her anymore.So yes, I did break up with her... but I feel bad for doing it. I felt like me and her had something like we could have gotten married. we were dating for 3 months. She was my first real girfriend, but then again... my parents said that it's best for me to be broken up with her. Idk what to do. I do feel a little more a peace without her, but I still am madly in love with her?HELP!!!!! SOS please!
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female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (28 May 2011):
if you're going to break up with someone, do it for yourself, not for your parents.
Your parents may be correct that she is "bad" for you or mistreating you and you're not experienced enough to see it. Your parents may just want to protect you, being parents.
But at some point you have to live your own life and make your own mistakes and learn from them.
So, whether or not you should get back together with her, should depend on how you feel. You're an adult now, so you should learn to make your own decisions.
She could very well be bad for you. It's usually not a good sign when someone wants you to change your religious beliefs or who cannot accept if your religious beliefs clash with theirs. (since religious people are passionate about their beliefs, it could just boil down to a fundamental incompatibility)
It's also not a good sign when your partner starts trying to create rifts with your friends whom you knew from before her.
she also sounds a self-centered and controlling.
overall, I can understand why you feel more at peace without her, and maybe it is best that you stay broken up with her. When you feel more at peace without someone, that says something. I don't think marriage would be a good idea when you're feeling this ambivalent about someone. (You should only marry someone that you feel extremely enthusiastic about and for the right reasons.)
But you're still madly in love with her - only you know how much this weighs against the negatives, in your relationship. You're still young, and this is your first relationship so you don't have much experience to judge it by. You could very well find someone new who you will feel just as in love with, but who won't also make you feel this uncomfortable.
so whether or not you get back with her, should be what you feel is best for yourself, not what your parents are telling you, and not what she is telling you.
You could decide that you will give it another shot, but go into it with your eyes open.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011): Trust your parents on this one. If you have more peace when a person is gone then you're better off without them.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (28 May 2011):
 well first line of business, this girl didn't mentally abuse you. forgetting your birthday and wanting you to skip your friends grad party to go to her commencement is not remotely close to being mentally abused. i'm sure she just wanted you to be at her commencement because her religion is very important to her, as are you. therefore wanted you there with her. and forgetting your birthday, i'll admit is pretty crappy. but hell, as you get older and if you two got married, i asure you this will probably not be the last time that happens. would i break up with someone for these reasons? no, certainly not.
do i think she's probably a little on the immature side? sure, she probably is. but she's a teenage girl. this shouldn't be too shocking to you considering you go to school with nothing but teenage girls. she means no harm, and i'm sure she loves you. if you love her back, like you say you do, then i see no legitimate reason you two shouldn't be together, aside from your parents not liking her for whatever reasons they have. but most parents who have children your age don't care for their childrens boyfriend or girlfriend. this isn't anything new. if you still love her, why not take her back?
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