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female
,
anonymous
writes: dear cupid, i am 34 yrs old and was engaged back in 2003 to the man of my dreams-we were together for almost 4 years. Unfortunatley i ended the engagment because his father (which i might add is Muslim)decided to TELL me that if I were to have children with his don he would want them raised Muslim,or else he would disown his son. My fiance at the time discussed this religion between the 2 of us and we had said we would let the kids decide (of course when they were old enough) what religion they would be. I am CAtholic and is is Muslim, but both non-practicing. That night at his father's I decided to break off the engagement. It's now been just over 3 years and realize I made the biggest mistake of my life. I know he is my soulmate and I will never love someone the way I loved him. I need some advice, be honest with me. I feel everyday as though my soul died the day I left him. I know he is with someone else now, I don't know how to get himback without causing problems with the woman whom he is seeing now. please help me
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (2 July 2006):
 3 years? This happened 3 years ago? Whew that's a long time to be dwelling on this. I guess since he's just seeing another woman you could contact him and see if he's still carrying the torch for you. That is if he's not truly involved with her. It couldn't hurt anybody then...but be ready to hear some bad news since he hasn't contacted you in 3 years! Good luck!
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (2 July 2006):
 What has happened in your life recently to make you look back on this relationship from your past with such rose tinted spectacles?
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (2 July 2006):
 Big hugs from Dr Psych! I understand how you feel but if he has another woman these days then it would be messy to break up that relationship. I understand that his father has strong views and that the engagement was between you and your ex (so technically none of his business). However, it should have been a test of the strength of personality of your ex really. Lets face it - marriage has ups and downs, and often goes through stressful patches. If he cannot stand up to his father over your contrasting beliefs then you two may have faced problems in your marriage over other issues - a husband has to stand up for his wife against other people. The reason I understand about this is because my husband comes from a different religious/ cultural background to me, and my family have refused to meet him or speak to me since the marriage because of his 'otherness'. I could have backed down before the marriage as my parents forbid me to marry him but I stood up for him and married him - sure I feel bad about my family not speaking to me but I know they are in the wrong and that I have made the right decision. Our marriage has been stressful at times but good relationships have to jump many hurdles. Maybe you are clinging to the idea that this was your perfect man because you are feeling lonely right now - we have all been there. I suggest that you try to distract yourself by dating other men and socialising actively for a while just to get over him - sure you will never replace how you feel about him, but in time you may feel better about yourself and the whole situation.
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A
female
reader, Smiler +, writes (2 July 2006):
 Hey Sweetie
Well you poor thing :o( firstly I'm sorry that you have lost the man of your dreams but he is with someone else now and has clearly moved on with his life you babe have to do the same thing and believe me i know just how hard that can be but you had a serious disagreement with his family about religion and Muslims are rather strict about religion (i agreed with you in the argument by the way the children should make there own choice when they are old enough to do so) but having said that each to our own beliefs his father had probably had a strict Muslim upbringing and thought what he was saying was perfectly right but in England where i am people still have the right to decide for themselves which route they take regarding religion no-one can force you to bring your children up to be strict Muslim or anything so i feel inside you did exactly the right thing to get out, but now you have to concentrate on getting over your ex and trying to find someone new, :o)
I hope my advice was of help to you in this situation :o) and good luck with it. If you ever need a friendly chat of shoulder to cry on or just more advice I'm always here for you
You Take Care X
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2006): Write him a letter telling him exactly what you told us and how you feel.But....If he is married forget it!You are not the home recker type are you!?!?Get counciling to get over this relationshipinstead.Good Luck !
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