A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I started dating my boyfriend and in less than a month of dating I went on vacation with my girlfriends, drank a little too much and cheated. When I got home he asked if anything happened I said no and we continued with our relationship. I never would have done what I did or lied about it had I known how much I would have fallen for him. Several months later and after moving in together he found out about my lie and after some serious begging and pleading he stayed with me and things had been going great. About 6 months ago I found out I had hpv and out of shame and a lack of understanding I waited to tell him, I finally felt ready to tell him last week and he has said that its over between us because I have lied about two big things but he still lives with me and hasn't showed any effort to move out. I love him very much and am not the liar that I seem to be on paper, I came clean with everything it just took me a while. I need to know what to do to keep him, and help him see how much I love him and that I don't want to ever hurt him. He thinks I'm decietfull and a liar now and I need to prove that wrong. Thanks!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2008): Unfortunately, the only thing you *can* do is to behave in as consistently a loving, supportive, HONEST manner as you can. You can't ever prove his opinion wrong, for a Very long time - it's based on experience, and bitter ones at that. Literally, it will take YEARS for him to regain trust in you, and it will be a great deal of work for you to act in such a way - like Ceasar's wife, above *all* suspicion - that he can learn to trust you again. And even then, he may not be able to do so.Part of the rebuilding process will be the need for you to have a brutally honest conversation about yourself on why you cheated; being drunk doesn't cut it - the drinking lowered your inhibitions to doing what you wanted to do, but hadn't before. Question is, why do it? What were you looking for, what did you gain? Was it just an isolated incident, or was there something missing in your relationship that you got, however briefly, from the other man? Part of rebuilding your relationship will be being able to tell your boyfriend WHY you acted as you did, and why, based on your VERY thorough study of what happened, it can't happen again.
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