A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I believe some teachers are, intentionally or not, flirty. In their mannerisms, their choice of words and the way they say those words. I completely understand that a lot of teachers are just like that in nature; friendly, funny and outgoing. And I understand they get along well with kids - they like kids - hence why they became teachers. But I think they need to be more... aware? if that's the right word, or something.Does anybody agree? It just frustrates me when I read all these posts where people are attacking the students, who post on this site about how they've fallen for their teacher, saying 'LEAVE THE TEACHERS ALONE' or grow up etc. What about the teacher? I definitely remember teachers who were 'flirty', intentional or not. And I'm not saying there is something sinister behind this flirtatiousness, but it happens all the same. And students get drawn in.Does anybody else understand?
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female
reader, mysterious_blonde_lady  +, writes (20 May 2009):
Not to be offensive, but 'emilyanswers' you have given some terrible advice there. I;m sorry but a person being more flirty with you etc... does not constitute as treating you more as an equal. Students should not be being treated as equals, they should be treated as ADULTS. Infact there are many ADULTS who find it offensive when their boss is flirtacious with them. Sometimes, a teacher is just being friendly, and caring - this is true. Many teachers went into teaching because they love helping people and influencing people and sometimes this means that they get too involved, they are human after all. However, sometimes if you have a funny feeling about how someone is behaving, if you feel that it isnt normal or it makes you uncomfortable maybe it's because it isn't normal. I'm not saying jump to conclusions or launch a personal crusade against them, I am saying that you are right to voice concerns that teachers should not be treating you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable as a person and them 'treating you more as an equal' should never be used to excuse behaviour that you dislike. After all, I'm sure you have no qualms with being treated as an adult. Bear in mind, being treated as an adult is one thing, but you are still a student and a vulnerable person and if you can't deal with something or don't like something it is always best to avoid it.
I would agree that teachers are flirtacious and some of that is harmless and some of that has sinister undertones. Teachers should not be flirting with students, and it should not be excused. The reason why often it is ignored is because some people deal with things differently, and some things affect people more. If ever a teacher says or does something that makes you uneasy don't just ignore it remember it, and if it keeps happening and you notice a pattern that's when you should consider that a teacher is behaving innappropriately.
And in actuality, in retrospect to the comment relating to charisma in handsome male teachers, this is rubbish. These teachers often play up to young girl's fancies because they are vain and enjoy the attention, they know they are found attractive and they like that. This isn't to say that some girls do get carried away and confused and some are delusional but there are enough corrupt deviant teachers out there for innappropriate or over familliar behaviour to be a concern.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): we have a teacher (who is quite fit) but we all think he is gay but he seems to have no sense of personal space and always makes everything sound dirty! the other day when we were talking he pushed his entire body up against me and whispered in my ear, maybe i'm wrong, but that to me seems very flirty! i think maybe he just finds it amusing. we have another male teacher who is straight and he tries to say dirty things all the time and then laughs like "hur hur hur", it is VERY disturbing!
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A
female
reader, regirl +, writes (17 April 2009):
i totally agree with you!!!!!! im going through that stage too, i have this teacher who is actually touching my backside, every chance she gets, she brushes past me and just lightly brushes her hand on my bum. its happened like more than twice now. and the thing is im female too, but my teacher did say that she is bisexual sooo... but i definitely agree with you.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (17 April 2009):
No problem!
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah, it's a really weird stage. And at times I don't know how to respond. Like she'll get really "candid" - if that's the right word to use - or say something mean but in a teasing way. Like if I was with my friends, I'd be hitting her right back with a snarky (as a joke) comment. But then I realize she's my teacher and it's like, that would be inappropriate.
But thanks for replying. You've actually been really helpful!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (17 April 2009):
The thing is that you are at the top end of school age.
It's difficult because on one hand you want to be treated more like an adult, given trust and freedom and have people think of you less as a child... but on the other hand you are saying you should be protected from people speaking to you or looking at you on an equal level and you want to be treated as a child by all teachers.
If the line was crossed it's probably because she was beginning to treat you more as one professional speaking to another. (You are both there to do a job: she to teach and you to learn.) As colleagues rather than adult and kiddy.
In the adult world, the relationship between bosses and employees, people of different ranks in the army, etc, can be very different depending on the person. As you say, it's about lines and that line can be in a different place for different people. It's different for every individual relationship on the planet. If you felt awkwardness then it may just have been that early time when the line is being formed and it can take a conversation or two before you both figure it out.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI realize that you do have to have some charisma to hold a classes attention. And I'm not saying I want teachers to be boring and reserved. I would have hated school if all my teachers had been like that. BUT I think there is a point where a teacher can either stop or keep going.
And I know there is definitely a point because I've felt it being "crossed", so to speak. Like you feel the switch from them being a teacher to more like a friend in the way their speaking to you or joking with you. And I'm not some stupid deluded child, I didn't read too much into the situation or see things that weren't there. And my crush wasn't even on a male teacher. It was on a female, I really admired her, but there was nothing sexual there (I'm straight). In saying the whole 'I felt it being crossed', is not saying that the she was inappropriate in any way. Just that she was, how to put this..? - giving more of herself than she needed..?
That's just how I feel.
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (17 April 2009):
 Charismatic and flirty are also different, yet I have found that teenage girls don't know the difference.
If you are a reasonably good looking guy and charismatic, they will fall in love and think you are being flirty.
To be a good teacher you need to have some charisma to hold the classes attention.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (17 April 2009):
Some people are just flirty. They flirt with everyone.
It's not their fault that they allow their mannerisms to surface while doing their job.
Plus they probably keep it on such a low level that they don't realise they are doing it.
But I think you are right, most older guys have no clue of how MENTAL we girls were when we were teens, and how ANY glance or wink will make our hormones flair up.
How many girls do you know fall in LOVE (omg real love and not like that other time i said i wuz in love last week lol!!!) with a boy they've never even looked at just because someone said that he might like her.
Flattery will get you ANYWHERE with a teenage girl.
So yes, teachers should be aware, but that doesn't mean students can't LEARN from these experiences that some people are just flirty and it doesn't mean they like you.
Good Luck!! xx
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