A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI'm married to my current husband for 2 years and been together for 4 years, (2 years before marriage). I am not sure whether i love my husband or not, reasons below.1. He never told he loves me even once in this 4 years, his reason being , it feels cheap to say it, note he says that to his parents all the time, only not to me. And also he says he marrying me should show he loves me. 2. Lately, may be for past 6 months or so, we hardly speak. When we talk, he talks about his car all the time or the projects he wants to do, i have 0 knowledge or interest in cars other than it makes me commute faster to places i want to do. When I speak about anything or something he loses interest in like 5 mins, always tells me he is busy or he heard enough of it, it does not interest him3. He complains about things i do all the time, how i clean the kitchen, mind you he never contributes and my cooking sometimes, again he does not cook , i do almost 95% of cooking or how i am disturbing his sleep, he sleeps late and wakes up.late, i sleep late (because of noise he makes) and wake up early due to work. If I ever say a word he is making noise when I sleep, he will say let's sleep in different rooms, so.mosyly i sleep when he sleepsThis quarantine/lock.down is making me more miserable , atleast earlier i can go out and take some steam off, now that's not an option. I cook, clean and listen when he speaks about something i have 0 interest in and then sleep when he sleeps, sex when he wants it.All the above makes me question this marriage or why an i with him. I know partly because I do not want to be alone, but other than we being in same house, i feel alone. If I ever feel sad or depressed or down, i cannot talk to him reason being mostly my down is cause of him and even if not so he does not want to listen, i have to call my best friend or my sister and they are emotional support pillers.I believe he married me cause if convinence, i am his longest relationship, even his mom said no one other than his family and friends loved him, even he says he is difficult to.live with. Which is 100% true. He bought a house when we were dating which is an rundown place and it's been 3 years and he has not fixed even one thing in it, though he says he will do and he will not hire anyone to do it either, though we can afford it.I am sorry for all the ranting, i seriously not sure if I love him or he loves me anymore either. Not sure how to make this marriage work anymore. Please help
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female
reader, hilary  +, writes (14 May 2020):
 You have very good insight into what the problem is and your feelings are turned on to the point of screaming out in agony. But you need to look at this differently. If he is with you for convenience fine, that is his choice and you should have picked this up before getting married to him. Now you are with him you either decide this is not good enough and separate from him or you do the same thing and use him as a convenience too. Do you get enough out of this to make it worth it to stay with him for convenience? I get the feeling that you believe if you keep talking about it you will eventually find some kind but dishonest soul who tells you he loves you and then you will sit back and enjoy - despite knowing, deep down, it is a fairy story.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2020): Being confined in a place you're not happy to be in will amplify even the smallest of annoyances 100 times! If you ask me, I'd say you just accepted his proposal without thinking. He had to have been just as much of a jerk the first two years you were together. I think you both married each other out of convenience.
If you've never heard the words "I love you" the first two-years; that should have tipped you off that "yes" was the wrong answer!!!
I will go out on a limb and guess that you saw dozens of red-flags; but you married this guy anyway for the following:
1. Because he asked.
2. You figured he's already broken-in, and you hate being alone.
3. No telling how long it would be before you met another guy, and he'd propose.
4. We've been together two years; so whatever!
5. All your other friends and/or sisters are married.
6. You dreamed of having a nice wedding.
There is no-way you could miss all that you've described in your post in the previous two years. He himself said he was hard to live with. His own mother warned you?!!
After laying out all the pros(0) vs. cons(14); which you subdivided into three-parts.
I can't let you go through all this trouble, and not receive the answer you pretty much already know.
Get a lawyer, and file for a divorce.
Make him sell that raggedy house; and take half, for general-principle. Leave it in disrepair for too long; and it will become a money-pit. One thing will go wrong after another. He's too lazy to fix it up, and you're not happy being there anyway.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2020): Why on Earth would you ever marry a man who NEVER has told you that he loves you? That is just foolish, and you had two years prior to marriage to witness how difficult he is to get along with! Your decision making is scetchy at best. You need professional individual counseling and perhaps marriage counseling, if you chose to stay in your marriage. Good luck OP.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2020): I think you already know the answer. You don't talk and barely speak. He finds fault with everying you do and you only stay with him because it means that you are not alone.
You already know the answer.
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